Barry Bostwick. A motorcycle with rocket launchers. Gold spandex jumpsuits. A headband. No this is not gay pornography, this is MEGAFORCE!

Megaforce, is an old childhood favorite. I made my mother take me to see this disaster in the theatre when I was just a young buck. Megaforce features an all-star cast, starring Barry Bostwick as Ace Hunter ( I swear it's not gay porn), Michael Beck as Dallas (you may remember Mr. Beck as Swan from the Warriors), the lovely Persis Khambatta as Zara (Persis is famous for her role as Vygr from Star Trek The Motion Picture...as opposed to Star Trek The Coffee Mug? What the fuck was that about?) Edward Mulhare as Byrne-White (Hasselhoff's boss Devin, from TV's Knight Rider) and our own Henry Silva as the evil Guerera (you can learn more about Mr. Silva's exploits in my heterosexual lifemate Fletcher's review of the classic Escape From The Bronx / Bronx Warriors 2).

Megaforce is about an elite special forces group who ride on futuristic motorcycles and dune-buggies, that are equipped with rockets, machine guns, and laser cannons. They are doing battle against the evil tank divisions of Guerera ( the lovely and talented Henry Silva). Their finest weapon however is not their vehicles, but rather their choice in fashion. I was not kidding earlier. The required uniform of the Megaforce Corps is gold sparkling spandex jumpsuits.....and optional headbands. Imagine an army of Bee Gees clones advancing on you....simply put....terrifying ( Barry Bostwick looks more like Barry Gibb in this movie.....but boy do his troops love him...a deep forbidden love).

Ace Hunter (Bostwick), and Dallas (Beck) the leaders of Megaforce take their team (and sweet spandex outfits) up against Guerera and his army of tanks. WIth the help of Zara and Byrne-White, who provide intelligence (and very little acting ability) for the Megaforce unit in their battle against Guerera. There is a really lame and pointless attempt at a love connection between Ace and Zara but it fails miserably, Ace it seems is more focused on riding his motorcycle with his boys through the mountains (can you blame him?). Zara still freaks me out. Even with hair I still see her as the Sinead O'Connor freak from Star Trek. Apparently the robotic monotone voice she used in Star Trek wasn't just for that movie, it's actually how she acts.

The Megaforce unit after several successful battles against Guerera find that he has managed to block them off from their only means of escape ( I guess while the boys of Megaforce were sewing their gold tights together, Guerera was reading up on his Sun Tzu ). Ace, Dallas, Zara, Byrne-White, and the whole (and I mean hole) Megaforce team, come up with a brilliant plan (which involves 'Stealth' mode, oh hell yeah bitch!) to defeat Guerara and escape unharmed. The final escape scene with Ace is nothing short of brilliant. I'm sorry it's been a long day, I'm tired. The end of this movie is like watching any Kevin Costner movie....a complete and utter waste of your time (much like Major League Baseball).

If you like motorcycles, gold spandex, and Barry Bostwick ( be careful before you answer that one)......then Megaforce is the bad movie for you! If you do like all those things, I recommend you also call the police and register yourself as a sex offender.

Hamlin Grade: 5.5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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