REVIEW: Double Impact
Double Impact. Mmmmmm. Sounds like the title of a low budget, overly aggressive adult feature, filmed on a garbage skiff off the coast of Brazil doesn't it?
While that is more than likely the case, the Double Impact I am referring to is the 1991 classic starring the incredibly flexible and versatile Jean Claude Van Damme... which is somewhat hotter than it's South American equivalent that showcases a pair of sand whores depositing their own shit on one another... or perhaps not? I digress.
Nearly 20 years ago some Hollywood producer thought it would be a great idea to showcase the acting talent of one Jean Claude Van Damme by having him play two characters in the same film. Utilizing the Belgian superstar's well endowed thespian skills and coupling that with state of the art CGI, the masterpiece that became Double Impact was realized.
For Van Damme, Double Impact was clearly the apex of his career. After successfully displaying his his tight buttocks (shit I actually stuttered... and for the record Double Impact continues to embrace the policy of unnecessarily displaying a pair of Belgian glutes... a term we refer to as Van DAMN!... and Ryan your welcome for the nudy shot of JC... try to keep the little feller in yer pants) in Bloodsport, Cyborg, Kickboxer, and Lionheart (which for the most part are pretty kick ass movies... provided you aren't into any sort of story, plot, or character development), Van Damme was reaching a level of super-stardom shared only by action stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, and Emo Phillips.
The story of Double Impact is well... oh fuck it just watch this:
Ok got it? No? Okay, let me sum up. Chad and Alex Wagner (Van Damme, and Van Damme... by the way, how many times did the deep voice guy say Van Damme? ) are re-united in their late twenties by Uncle Frank, the former body guard of their parents, who failed to protect them from getting killed by the Chinese mafia following some shady business investments used to build a tunnel in Hong Kong. After the Wagners are executed by Zang (mafia guy) and Griffith (rich English douche) the twins are separated. The nurse maid drops Alex at a French orphanage and Uncle Frank takes Chad and raises him in France... which is a convenient way to explain Van Damme's truly mind boggling accent. By the way Zang, Griffith, and Uncle Frank don't seem to age even though some 30 years have passed.
After their reunion, Chad and Alex eventually join forces to take revenge on their parents murderers... a prerequisite plot device of any good action film. Their path of vengeance of course takes them through a cadre of subordinates and henchmen ranging from the one-punch-and-die foot soldier to the giant breasted Chinese guy (Van Damme re-unites with the marvelously thick-pec'd Bolo Yeung) which delivers unto us a cornucopia of fight scenes. Van Damme also gets to square off against a dude with knife tipped boots, former Miss Olympia Cory Everson (who for the record I've always had the hots for... perhaps because of her very masculine body... and her penis?) and a Steven Seagal stunt double.
The ending is beyond predictable, after wasting through the collection of bad-asses Chad and Alex make short work of Zang (tossed from the top of a crane) and Griffith (crushed under a shipping container), then hug it out, then Alex makes out with his hot girlfriend (who for the record has the worst breast implants i've ever seen) while Chad stands by uncomfortably close and gives them the thumbs up... and we freeze frame as if we just finished watching an episode of Magnum P.I.
To Van Damme's credit he does manage to create two distinct characters in Double Impact. One is a cultured, well-to-do, metro-sexual (borderline gay), and the other is an emotionless, street-hardened, bad-ass (also gay), both are skilled in the martial arts and neither of them can act. Really the main difference is that Chad smiles a lot and has poofy hair, while Alex frowns constantly and slicks his hair back. Chad enjoys pastels, while Alex prefers an all black wardrobe. Both love the cock.
Thankfully the CGI in this film does a masterful job of placing Van Damme next to himself in this movie. I'm completely bullshitting here. On the rare occasion they are together in a scene (where you see two distinct Van Dammes and not the back of some poor stunt double's skull), the shadows appear not only from different times of the day, but from different times of the year. And forget about trying to match up eye-lines... when they do attempt some kind of connection, Alex appears to be lazy-eye, and Chad can't stop staring at his twin brother's crotch. I exaggerate somewhat (but not really).
While Van Damme will always be considered a marginal (which is extraordinarily generous on my part) at best, he does manage to entertain regardless of the situation (except for JCVD... watching Jean Claude Van Damme attempt to act is like watching Jim Carey trying not to be funny - see the Number 23 STOP YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!!!) and Double Impact is no different.
Double Impact offers great fights scenes, full splits, well-oiled, meticulously toned ass cheeks, all mixed with your ability to severely suspend disbelief and you have nothing short of an Am-Track train wreck... I mean a gem of a movie experience.
You are probably thinking right now, 'Hey, didn't you guys already review Double Impact?' , and the answer is yes. The lovely and talented Ryan provided his thoughts on the Jean Claude Van Damme classic a few years back - which you can view here.
So why the re-review? I figured a quality bad movie like Double Impact is more than worthy of the extra attention.
I also thought it deserved a critique by someone who wasn't home schooled and didn't drop-out in the 9th grade to work on his pick-up truck.
Hamlin Grade: 6.5
Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,