REVIEW: Universal Soldier: Regeneration
Have you seen this movie? Have you? Universal Soldier 5? With Van Damn? Lundgren?
I have. And if you haven't, then that means I am better than you. Universal Soldier 5 is, quite possibly, the most sperm-jack-tastic film of this year. Seriously, having seen it, I haven't been this excited since Rambo.
Especially the bit, an hour into the movie when the producers realise a plot is needed, they decide to reinstate Van Damn, fill him full of Psycho Potion, give him a gun and point him at the enemy.
There is a warehouse full of assorted Bad Guy carrion. Van Damn walks in, looking mildly irritated. The camera follows. Many minutes pass. The lens is smeared red. Van Damn leaves, looking mildly irritated, having wiped out 40+ in the space of a commercial break.
They have swapped oiled buttocks for body count. This may not please you, but it pleased the fucking hell out of me.
Oh, and did I mention DOLPH?
Hamlin Grade: 10