REVIEW: Seven Years in Tibet
Seven Years in Tibet is a snapshot in the life of one Heinrich Harrer, an Austrian, mountain climbing, Nazi, douche bag, asshole, who get's arrested by the British on a mountaintop in Northern India, sent to a prisoner of war camp, after multiple failed attempts, escapes to the mountains of Tibet, winds up in the city of Lhasa, meets the Dalai- Lama and after seven years learns how not to be so much of a dick.
That's the whole movie.
The best part of Seven Years in Tibet is Brad Pitt's attempt to pull off an Austrian accent. The worst part of Seven Years in Tibet? Brad Pitt's attempt to pull off an Austrian accent. He sounds like a homosexual Arnold Schwarzenegger for most of this movie.
The most amazing thing about this movie, is that the Dalai Lama actually put up with this bag of ass for seven minutes, let alone seven years. That man truly is a wonder and deserves a Nobel Peace Price and a blow job for the effort.
Fans of Seven Years of Tibet will chastise me for not getting it, and not seeing the bigger picture, and to that I say what's not to see? A man, faced with adversity, learns the error of his ways and grows from the challenges he experienced? That's called life. We all go through it, and for most of us, it doesn't take the better part of decade under the guidance of one of the world's most influential religious figures to do it. So kiss my ass.
One other thing. The next time I hear someone say a movie was lavishly shot I'm going to hurl feces at them. Any movie shot in the Himalayan Mountains is going to be lavish jackass. I could have duct taped a camcorder to a blind baboon's ass, set it on fire and punted the fucker off of Everest and wound up with a lavishly filmed picture. Are you kidding me? Go film lavishly in Detroit if you want to impress me.
Perhaps the greatest aspect of Seven Years in Tibet... is that the film only chronicled seven years of this dick head's adventures in Tibet. Holy shit, imagine if this movie was called Ten Years in Tibet? Fifteen? How about Two Weeks in Delaware? Three Days in Newark? Five minutes on the 'G' Train? Fuck me.
The Dalai Lama is fortunate that Pitt was not riding shotgun to Angelina Jolie at the time they filmed this mess or he and every other Tibetan would have been consumed by her insatiable lust for adoption.
Hamlin Grade: 3
Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,