The Day the Earth Stood Still. Doesn't this occur anytime a Keanu Reeves movie is released?

As much as want to bash Keanu (which is incredibly easy sometimes), I really can't. He was actually pretty decent in this film. Reeves stars as Klaatu, the alien ambassador who arrives on Earth to tell us that unless we change our ways, we will be annihilated. Klaatu, is cold, emotionless, and completely wooden... just like Keanu. I guess I did just bash him.

Jennifer Connelly plays Dr. Helen Benson... a scientist assigned to study Klaatu that eventually helps him escape when she realizes that government planned on hiding him in away in secrecy and interrogating him. Allow me to go off on a tangent here... this is probably one of the most annoying things about the movies... Scientists that are hot enough to be models? Connelly is hands down one of the finest pieces of stuff to ever walk this planet... in The Day the Earth Stood Still
Connelly is paired with Michael Granier (played by Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame... also one of the finest pieces of stuff to ever walk this planet) and John Driscoll (played by the very handsome Kyle Chandler from King Kong). Had it not been for Kathy Bates dragging the sex appeal factor down this group of alien-autopsy investigators would have been completely ridiculous. I'm sure there are attractive scientists out there, but let's be honest... most of these brains sit in front of computer terminals and experiments 28 hours a day, probably surviving on a diet of caffeine, never seeing the sun, or engaging in any sort of physical activity. Would these circumstances truly breed a Jennifer Connelly? Most certainly not.

Ok back to the movie... Klaatu arrives on the planet, in Central Park in a giant glowing sphere, with his 5 story tall robot. His mission as I mentioned before was to tell the people of Earth to stop being dicks, or the aliens he represents would wipe them out. After consulting with an alien who had been on planet for 70 years, he determines that we aren't fit to survive and activates the spheres and his giant robot to bring about our demise.

Of course Connelly attempts to change his mind, by bringing him to see her Nobel prize winning friend played by John Cleese, who actually does a good job of explaining why Earthlings are such douchebags, but in the end Klaatu is moved by seeing Connelly hug her stepson (played by Will Smith's kid) and decides to stop the destruction... then he flies off in his giant orb. That's it. That's the whole fuckin' movie.

There were a couple of cool scenes when the giant robot turned into a mist of tiny little metal insects that began eating everything in site... which gave the appearance of things being dissolved... but ultimately if you saw the trailer for The Day the Earth Stood Still then you saw every scene where this occurred. Essentially an 18 wheeler, and Giants Stadium get destroyed. That was all we got. They could have at least taken out the Jets too... but no.

The Day the Earth Stood Still sucked. I never saw the original, and frankly if the 1951 feature was the inspiration for this piece of shit, the chances of me watching it are as good as me viewing Roadhouse and being sexually aroused throughout... oh wait...shit.

Hamlin Grade: 1


Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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