How the fuck did this film actually make it to the big screen? We'll get to the why shortly, but the how is almost as stunning a quandary. In this current era of political correctness where most individuals are so morally hand-cuffed by society that their ability to harvest an original thought is completely suppressed, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry does a rain dance across many of the topics that would have these same assholes tightly gripping their vaginas as they flee screaming in terror.

Now should I commend the studio executives for having the stones to broach topics that most in today's society would state are offensive (this is a contradiction of course as being 'politically correct' is as popular as saying you are a Patriot's fan,... those that are the most outspoken about the offensive nature of anything, are usually the same lot that enjoy masterbating to lovely young South American ladies and their adventures with a polymer-based grail, and their excrement,.... this however is a discussion for a later date)? Perhaps, but I won't, because I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry aside from being a truly shitty film, takes few steps towards being bold, and even when the picture does attempt to dance near that line of offensive humor, it quickly back peddles, throws its arm's up in surrender and wraps it in a 'just kidding' and 'we're sorry' candy coating.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is about two firemen played by Adam Sandler and Kevin James, who pretend to be gay, and get married so they can reap the rewards of domestic partner benefits. James is most famous for his portrayal of a United Parcel Service worker on the comedy sitcom 'King of Queens' (a program I've never seen, mostly because I recieve more comedy than I can handle on a daily basis when my UPS guy drops by to deliver a package. Nothing says funny like 'sign here sir'. ) and Adam Sandler who if it weren't for Ben Stiller, would have the glossary Stillered named after him, for his uncanny knack to never turn down a script.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is non-stop hilarity. Yeah! Adam Sandler is following the Eddie Murphy formula to a tee. Starting out as a comedian who was once able to laugh and poke fun at himself, he has transformed into a thespian who can only be the 'cool' guy in a film. It worked out great for Ed, so by all means, keep moving forward! Sandler's character is the good looking, sex-crazed, Mr. February fire-fighter. Kevin James is a widower, who is in danger of losing his pension and benefits (apparently he forgot to fill out some forms during his mourning period) but comes up with a brilliant plan to pretend to be gay and designating his 'domestic partner' (Sandler) the beneficiary and all is good. However faking gayness is a heinous crime, and perpetrators of said act will face jail time. UH OH!! Enter the gay inspector. This individual's job is to authenticate the gayness of couples in a domestic partnership, by carefully monitoring their activities, behaviors and even their trash to make sure they are of the highest quality gay standards. My thought here is that, Sandler could have dropped to his knees and orally cleansed James's U.P.S. package in front of the inspector, and all would have been cleared up. Yes perhaps my solution is gay, but pretending to be gay for a few minutes is far better fate, than being forced to be gay for several years in prison. Besides they are best friends.... and if we can't blow our best friends then what's the point of living right?

So we enter the mysterious homosexual underworld, thanks in part to their legal advisor (played by a smoking hot Jessica Biel) who's brother is a member in good standing (much like Fletch), and act's as a guide through this evil and treacherous landscape of moral deviance. The film does a wonderful job of painting the gay community as hard core party going rockstars that attend masquerade balls on a nightly basis. Truly ground breaking.

The only positive in this film. Jessica Biel prancing around like a gazelle in a bra and panties too small to accomodate an action figure. This delicious, visual flesh-fest is rapidly cancelled out by the fully nude, and freshly soaped Ving Rhames during an uneccessarily long shower sequence.

Getting fucked by a horse in the orbital sockets would have been a much preferred visual treat than sitting through I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. If you've seen the trailer, then you've seen the movie. If you do happen to find this movie in your dvd player, just skip ahead to the aforementioned Biel in panties scene, then pause, rewind, and play again. Otherwise avoid this movie as if it were English cuisine.

Hamlin Grade: 1


Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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