Bronson tells it like it is...
I know what you're thinking. America's deadliest enemy would have to be Osama Bin Laden. Nope. George W. Bush? Nope. Cheney? Nope. Nancy Grace? Nope (though you're getting warmer.) Uwe Boll? Nope, close but no cigar. Who then, you ask. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer? You're getting very, very close. But the answer is teenagers. Teenagers are the greatest threats to the country. Well Mr. Bronson what brought you to this conclusion? 3 reasons. Date Movie. Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans. All of them were awful (Well I haven't seen MTS but the trailer indicates its as bad as the others) but teenagers made them box office sensations. If this isn't a call to install battle royales I don't know what is.
In a time when movies like actual quality movies are out (No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood) people elect to see these moron's attempt at stupid, uh, hmm I can't come up with the word but I know it's not Comedy. However what is quite weird is that people are electing to see this type of garbage in favor of quality popcorn entertainment such as Rambo and Cloverfield. Sure that abomination named Ryan has his flaws (That guy likes really bad kung fu movies, far too much, I mean did you see his update on his equally embarrassing site, he actually recommended a couple Bruce Li flicks!) but as a teenager at least he had the sense and balls to sneak into R rated action movies. Ones that made this country the cultural bad ass it is. I mean you look at the Bruce Lees (American, born in this country, so there!) Arnold Schwarzeneggers, Sylvester Stallones, Van Dammes, Dolph Lundgrens and of course yours truly and you see the type of cinema that symbolized the good old days. When men kicked ass, took names and killed anything that moved. Nowadays this country has their womanfolk being the action stars (Ultraviolet, Aeon Flux and The Brave One) and is it now any wonder why homosexuality has gone up? The poor male teens are just confused on what their place is in this world and with Nancy Grace more powerful than Opie and Anthony, our political correctness says it is so very bad to see a man save the day and save his girlfriend from the train that approaches from the distance. Perhaps the death of us is all political correctness.
And the teenagers are falling for it. And with a good old fashioned blood orgy that was Rambo (And last year it was the very fun Grindhouse) and this has paled in comparison to fuckin Meet The Spartans. How can you teenage males see yourself as anything but less than a man? I mean sure you may have girlfriends, and that's no accomplishment, since that frankenstein of a man (Think of a weary looking black haired Dolph Lundgren without the looks or muscles but with a paunch and you have Ryan) Ryan is dating a 19 year old chick (What's the matter Ryan? Is the fact that you're a couple years from 30 keeping you up at nights. Is this your way of trying to hold onto your youth? I take it the endless kung fu movies are your way of making you forget that damn paunch you've grown since your kickboxing stat championship days!) so women aren't nearly as picky as they used ot be but come on, even Ryan went to Rambo on opening night. Are you disgraces for men that pussy whipped?
Or are you this stupid to accept this quality of shit as actual humor. Let me first off report on the targets that Meet The Spartans hits. Rambo as a midget complete with a rip on Scarface complete with the worn out "Say hello to my little friend!" Are you laughing yet? Because Rambo is a midget, Ha Ha! The other targets are Britney Spears (Her lack of hair, because she's so crazy!), Donald Trump (And his hair, because his hair looks so funny.) The American Idol Judges, Lindsay Lohan and of course the spartans singing "I Will Survive" because nobody at all made fun of 300's gayness. In other words all the hard ones to parody are finally parodied. Of course for those who don't get my sarcasm will note that even Pat (And don't get me started on that guy...) made fun of 300's homoeroticism. As did millions. All the targets are so damn easy to make fun of, one wondered how they forgot to make fun of Paris Hilton or Larry Craig.
And yet teenagers are dangerous because they like this horse shit. These kids will be running your country tomorrow and you've seen a president who liked Chuck Norris movies (George W. Bush) and his reign of terror. The people of tomorrow are looking at a reality where a nuclear holocaust takes place because The President hits New York after getting the longitude and lattitude mixed up with New Zealand and his apology speech will contain "I'm sorry but hey I was close they both had the words "New" in them) I mean there are some smart people left, but the fact that guys like Part Time Ninja, Ryan and Pat symbolize the smarter people in the world you as a nation are in for some serious hard times.
With teenagers armed with Cell phones, parents who could care less and an I.Q span that wouldn't rival a tapeworm, these are the kids of tomorrow and with Japan and China producing the smartest people (Also weirdly enough the kids there watch tons of bloody action movies, gore fests and make our 80s Action stars popular still) it's only a matter of time before Japan tricks us into signing over our country for the price of knowledge on how to turn on the air condition.
You guys should be afraid. Be very afraid because the kids who make Meet The Spartans # 1 at the box office today are the ones with the nukes tomorrow, so take my advice and start the battle royale process now. Otherwise you'll be sorry, we'll all be sorry.
England is also a country of stupidity (Seriously, banning Bruce Lee's use of Nunchucks?) but even they have in their favor that they never made Meet The Spartans # 1 in their ridiculous country.