10 Worst Bruceploitation movies.

When it comes to movies there are good, there are bad and then there are the ones that are just ugly. Most bad movies can be sort of fun, and some bad movies are even indispensible (Godzilla movies, martial arts movies and Jean-Claude Van Damme movies to name but a few.) but then there are those movies that are just so dreadful that they require nothing but the msot hateful feelings inside and here is the list of pain. Of course because i'm a huge Bruce Lee fan i've suffered through many bombs that promise Bruce but fail to deliver. This is the list of movies that couldn't even entertain me in a silly way.

10.The Clones Of Bruce Lee- Bruce Le and Dragon Lee were cloned from Bruce Lee,to work for the CIA, and then are turned on against each other at the end by an evil scientist. Oh boy, aside from really lame choreography, ridiculous plot and horrible dubbing, the worst thing of all was that the clones of Bruce Lee didn't fight anyone all that interesting making it very damn boring.

9.Dragon:The Bruce Lee Story- By all accounts Bruce Lee was obviously an arrogant son of a gun, he had most likely numerous affairs on his wife (He died in the apartment of a Chinese actress that worked in adult films.) he got into lots of fights with people as a kid and best of all he never apologized for it. This is why we love Bruce Lee. However his presence here turns Bruce Lee into a whitebread, christ-like figure who had to face demons. Jason Scott Lee also bares no look to Bruce Lee, and indeed the only thing worthwhile about the movie is when Lauren Holly sits in very tight black panties and bra. For wasting an oppurtunity to give us the real Bruce Lee, this will always be in my mind as one of the worst movies ever. I mean Bruce Lee was injured in a weight lifting accident which put him in a wheelchair, and not from a fight. In anycase the biggest tragedy is that they completely wussed out Bruce Lee.

8.Bruce Lee,The Man, The Myth-The other Bruce Lee biopic (Well actually there was another one with Danny Lee but I never saw it.) that nobody remembers. This one offers up the theory that Bruce Lee might return in 1983 to civilization, another theory was that he was killed by knife wielding thugs and basically through out Bruce Li isn't doing a lot of fighting and because this was made in Chinese, the dubbing is so awful you can't critque acting. I wouldn't have minded so much if Bruce Li had a pack of ninjas to fight but frankly this biopic has no worth for fight fans or Bruce Lee fans.

7. Chinese Connection II-Bruce Li plays the brother of Bruce Lee, who comes back to teach those damn dirty Japs a lesson in manners. One fo those standard "The Japanese" are evil movies with old school action, bad dubbing and cheap production values, made worse by the fact that you literally can't understand why the fights are happening or even why they started. Dreadful to the extreme.

6.No Retreat No Surrender- The ghost of Bruce Lee teaches some wimpy feather haired teenager how to fight a pre-stardom Jean-Claude Van Damme. One of the biggest surprises in this flick is that Van Damme was easily the best actor in the movie, the fights at the end are decent but seriously there are two breakdancing sequences and never should breakdancing (Also Gymnastics) be near something as cool as the martial arts. Although I did like the line "Beat it Brucey, go home and play with your wooden dolly."

5.Bruce Takes The Dragon- So bad was this movie that it didn't even star Bruce Le that we were promised, but rather we get the hero Daredevil Alan who is old and can't fight. So bad that the screen turned blue a couple times. (Seriously, when they recorded this on the tape, you can see the blue screen.) The blue screen were the best parts of the movie.

4. Enter The Fat Dragon-A much overrated and dreadful attempt to parody Bruce Lee. Sammo Hung is certainly a cool enough actor but come on what the hell is this crap? The parody angle doesn't work and the fight sequences are surprisingly few and far between. Sammo Hung would fare much better in the 80s with his works with Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao.

3.Half A Loaf Of Kung Fu- Hey even Jackie Chan jumped on the Bruce Lee bandwagon (Well actually it was the producers trying to turn Chan into the next Bruce Lee) but somehwere along the way he made this and while technically it isn't Bruce Lee exploitation, it may as well have been. Being that it contains some of the worst action, worst atttempts at comedy and worse of all Chan being turned into a Bruce Lee like fighter. A complete disaster with the worst credits in history. Also of note what the hell is that title supposed to mean anyway?

2.Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave- I love the premise, Bruce Lee comes back from the grave to fight satan, sounds like a great premise for bad movie nuttiness, right? Wrong. Turns out Bruce Lee comes back from the grave to avenge his friend and then fight said friend. The lead actor is Bruce K. Lea and he centers the lame fights and frankly what gives not giving us what it promised. Thankfully in 1991 The Story Of Ricky would give us a similar premise that it followed up on.

1.Fist Of Fear, Touch Of Death-This movie is a fairly easy target, but one must say something about a movie that claims that the Bruce Lee's grandfather was a samurai (despite the fact samurais were Japanese and Lee was Chinese.) but also so we can get stock footage from some Samurai movie. Also which takes place around an event to find the successor of Bruce Lee. Fred Williamson looking confused, Bill Louie looking ridiculous dressed as Kato and a baffling explanation that it was a death touch that killed Bruce Lee. What makes matters worse is that even though this should be funny, it's not. Rather it's just one of the most painful movies ever made.

And there you have it the Bruceploitation movies ever. Their kung fu is no good and it is wise to avoid them grasshopper.