Hello Pat, your old chum Kevin here. Just a quick note to say that (despite the fact that myself, the powers that be and Jesus Christ Himself all ganged up and made you shit out your own spine) your apology was way off the mark.

You see, it's all about you Pat. Everything I have ever done and ever will do is all about you.

Ever since I made The Untouchables I've been living like a pig in shit with so much money I actually have Hugh Grant cleaning my shit-covered boots with his silvery Limey tongue. Since then, having no financial concerns to burden me, I've simply been fulfilling a quest for my own amusement.

You see, ever since I stumbled upon your site I've been on a mission to inflict as much pain as possible upon your small and child-like mind. I know for a fact that a swooping, slow-zoom camera shot of just my glorious face for say, sixteen minutes would drive your juices so hot that you'd have smoke coming out your ears like Yosemite Sam.

So the fact that I have finally won this war is something of a dissapointment to me, as (quite frankly) you were the only one still buying my crappy little DVDs.

Enjoy The Postman and fucking choke on it you pig. You just fucking ruined me. Punk.

Mr. Costner you made a good movie. The New York Jets won one game out 16 one year.... a super football team they were not....and you sir are far from a fine actor.

Actually he's made two good movies.

The other was The Big Chill. Come on Pat, get with the program!

Actually Ryan, that scared punk bitch Pat was on the money, although he did so accidentally (similar to how he lost his virginity, albeit to a horse.)

You see, scheduling conflicts would not allow me to appear in The Big Chill as I was miles away filming something else at the time. However, I simply could not turn down an opportunity to get my glorious, radiant face on screen (thus delivering another Judo chop to Pat's pecker) - so I accepted.

Through the magic of CGIs I appear in that film, despite having literally phoned in my performance - and even then I was reading my lines off the back of a cigarette packet. Magically, they cast Dolly Parton as my body double, had her strut her magnificent stuff as I would do, then simply juxtaposed my awe-inspiring face over the top. The result was a performance so rugged, manly and generally heart-stopping that every man who ever saw it got an instant boner and had to run off to the toilet to rub one off - and for every pumping fist in a cinema restroom, I counted another point over you, Pat, my able foe.

I would especially like to thank Ryan for this massive points victory, considering he was one of the aforementioned cinema toilet adventurers, and ever since he saw The Big Chill, has not been seen since.

Dear Kevin, I must admit i'm no fan of you or your movies.
Also Kev, is that why they cut your sex scene in For Love Of The Game, due to laughter from screen audiences? It's true according to IMDb and that speaks volumes. I guess that's what happens when you baste your member with listerine over the years.

I would've also liked your movie The Postman, but frankly I just don't care for romantic comedies about homosexuals. Sorry.

Hello Ryan, the comedy sidekick to my bumbling nemesis. It's ironic that a man like Pat who is known for comic book artwork would recruit such a hilarious human cartoon as his protoge, but I digress.

I can see why your hatred of "romantic comedies about homosexuals" would be so apparent, given the fact that your life is infact one long, drawn out, tedious romantic comedy about homosexuals - that and your recently divulged cinema restroom masturbation addiction speak volumes.

Besides, the only reason my epic sex scene was removed from The Love Of The Game was becuase at that time widescreen technology was not cheap to implement, therefore capturing a shot of both my ravishing face and my colossal mahood simultaneously would have been impossible.

You are also conveniently forgetting my breathtaking opus 3000 Miles To Graceland, in which I became the only person in cinematic history (nay the history of all mankind) to draw out a semi-convincing performance from Courtney Cox - for that alone I deserve a fucking statue build, for mere trembling mortals like yourselves to worship and bow to.

(Heck, the only reason they haven't is because there probably isn't enough marble in the world to construct a lifesize copy of my aforementioned epic, monolithic manhood.)

It speaks volumes that you never denied it that The Postman was a romantic comedy with homosexuals. It also escapes no one's attention that you produced, directed and starred in such. Not to mention Will Patton was your co-star, what was George Takei booked in a frisco bathhouse?

As for the medium of film not capturing your manhood, is it possible that your scene was cut because it featured you and a past her expiration date Kelly Preston? Also if what story you say is so true, why is it said according to IMDb that the sex scene was cut because of tremendous laughter? Owned.

Also what is this alleged man-crush B.S you speak of. Everyone knows that Pat has got it bad for Swayze. And i'm not gay, but if I was, you wouldn't be the reason. (Ed Note:It would be Jean-Claude Van Damme.) So what do you have say for yourself now Costi?

Nice one Kenner - you get a big name celebrity on your site and you scare him off. No wonder the girls don't like you.