Jim, Jim, Jim... please! STOP!!

I'm begging you Carrey, I'm on my knees (where I often find myself) pleading with you to stop with this self-obsessed desire to transform yourself into a dramatic actor. It's not in the cards for you. It's just not. What you are trying to do is like Derek Jeter saying he's had enough with baseball and just wants to play in the NHL from this point forward(for the record I would love to see that). Perhaps my analogy is a bit of a stretch, but not really. You have a gift (which is debatable in some circles) to make people laugh... and also make ridiculous faces, noises, impressions etc..... yet you are turning your back on them. No dramatic actor, with exception of our lord and savior Michael Caine, could possibly turn their backs on their thespian ways and do what you do.

You want an Oscar. I understand. But let me break it down for you. Firstly, you will never win one (especially if you star in pile of shit films like the The Number 23). Secondly, who cares. The Oscar lost it's credibility 5 minutes after it's creation. It's a meaningless award surrounded by a ceremony which is nothing more than Hollywood getting together for 8 hours to blow one another. Take away their scripts and you will have a room full of assholes who couldn't come up with one original thought between them (unless Michael Caine was there).

Ok, off the soapbox, and onto the movie. The Number 23 was a heaping helping of animal excrement. I was going to list 23 reasons why you shouldn't watch this movie, and I couldn't because I was unable to get past reason number one. Joel Schumacher directed it. How the fuck is this guy still directing? If I did my job as shitty as him, not only would I be fired, I would be dragged out into the parking lot and raped to death by a bulldozer.

The Number 23 follows the life of Walter Sparrow (played by Jim Carrey) who is a dog catcher. His wife buys him a book called the Number 23, which focuses on the number 23 of all things. The book (he wrote it, I know thats retarded, but he did, and he discovers that along the way) makes him go crazy, and unlocks suppressed memories of a murder which he committed, which he feels so guilty about that he turns himself in and goes to jail. That's it. I just saved you 98 minutes. Schumacher once again tries to get artsy (which he just can't) so the film is liberally seasoned with flashbacks filmed in a Sin City-esque manner, which reveal more and more, till you get to that 'oh who gives a shit' point of the film.

The Number 23 is just plain bad, and doesn't offer anything in it's badness, except perhaps a studio executives future hesitation when the time comes to find a director for a project and think.... Joel Schumacher. Drop the 3. Just call it Number 2.

Hamlin Grade: 1


Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat