Mark Dacascos, Robert Patrick, Scott Wolf and Alyssa Milano. You would think that this would be the greatest terrible B.movie actioner ever made, sadly the movie is utterly unwatchable. There just isn't enough bad movie magic and I think the main reason is because when you cast the guy who was the T-1000 and the guy from Kickboxer 5, and when the movie is based on a video game in which you just kick the crap out of people. This could be your problem.

This has to be an easy premise to adapt, the game was about two martial artists who fought bad guys who kidnapped their girlfriend and try to capture a magic medallion. This movie should simply be Dacascos and Wolf trying to save Milano from Patrick. Plug in numerous asskickings, tons of mutant creatures, some Raiders Of The Lost Ark like moments as well as some Blade Runner like rip off moments. (This does take place in the apoclypse.) Instead they turned this into insipid nonsense aimed at stupid kids.

I loved playing Double Dragon, it was awesome. The movie is awful. But this had potential for bad movie greatness, I mean Kickboxer 5's Dacascos (Not to mention the Iron Chef chairman) and Robert Patrick! (Let's not forget erotic star Alyssa Milano, okay she was on Who's The Boss and Scott Wolf currently employed with an insurance company.) This was a great idea on paper, a simplistic story with a great bad movie cast. It fell apart because this movie is played for laughs, when it should've had more kickboxing. Seriously, Double Dragon isn't a funny premise, it's an action movie premise which is incredibly easy to adapt. (It's two guys kickboxing the crap out of thugs who kidnapped their girlfriend and stole a magic medallion, how hard is that to adapt?) Sadly this movie is crap. Not fun crap. Just crap. Watch Mortal Kombat (The best videogame adaptation ever, which isn't saying much since all that one is, is a fun bad movie.) This is among the nadir of the genre. Better than Resident Evil and Tomb Raider but still worse than Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter.

Avoid it.

Hamlin Grade: 2

Ryan
-Board certified professional safety dancer