Dear Kumiko

It's me Daniel LaRusso. You know your ex-boyfriend from America, I went to Japan and met you, I even did this whole tea ceremony that was apparently supposed to signify that you and I were in love. Remember how I heroically fought not only to protect you but also won the match of a lifetime by beating that mean kid from Japan? Well as it turned out I left my skills back in the east and you somehow pussified me. Also you're bad luck. As soon as you told me that the dance shop opened in Tokyo and that you weren't coming to America, I was harassed by some guy who looked like Sasha Mitchell. Seems that he wanted my title and that somehow his financial future depended on me fighting him. His name was Mike Barnes and he was a mean prick.

Oh yeah and speaking of bad luck, as soon as I got off the plane my Uncle Louie got sick, so my mother left me to start college on my own and Mr. Myiagi, you know the guy your aunt supposedly loved, was jobless and I was homeless. So I moved in with Mr. Myiagi because I seriously had nowhere to go. I mean my apartment was gone and my stuff is most likely gone. It really has been a cruel summer as the song so adequately put it in my first adventure I told you endlessly about in Japan. Mr. Myiagi really is starting to go through a depression, so being the nice guy I am, I squandered my college tuition to fund a banzai tree shop. That's right we opened up a banzai tree shop and it's because of our hard knocks that you and your aunt put us through that made us this sad and stupid enough to believe that this would be a good idea.

Also about Mr. Myiagi he seems so depressed lately, I can sense that he's tired of my presence and that somehow despite my favor to him, he seems ultimately tired of my problems. I especially sensed this when I told him that I needed to compete in the tournament because I was being bullied to do so. I mean this Mike Barnes was a prick, he even almost killed me and yet Mr. Myiagi still refused to train me. I honestly had no idea what to do, I mean they demolished our banzai tree store, trapped me on the bottom of a cliff where the tide would drown us and worst of all broke a priceless banzai tree which Mr. Myiagi planted when he immigrated to this country. Despite all of this Mr. Myiagi refused to train me, deciding to try tough love on me. Despite the fact that the only reason I got involved with the tournament was because my life was on the line. That and my girlfriend.

Oh by the way babycakes, my first blonde girlfriend put out, you didn't but we at least kissed, but this red head bitch? She would barely dance with me! That's right she must have noticed your scent or something because your overall bad luck has overall caused a ripple effect in my rebound game and even though the only cure for your absence would've normally been going to college to bang three blondes a night, I decided to open a banzai tree shop and compete in a tournament that I clearly had no chance of winning.

I know this maybe strange to hear this, as seeing that I beat what is the best fighter in Japan but since I became a lover instead of fighter (Thanks a lot!) I've completely wussed out. If this prick Barnes challanged me before I went to Japan I would've kicked the living crap out of him but since you left, my overall depression has caused me to wuss out and be a complete jackass. Indeed that prick is apparently "Karate's Bad Boy" but compared to my last battle he was nothing. Indeed had I had a clear head I would've broke a sweat beating him up.

I begged Mr. Myiagi repeatedly but he declined me each time, even ridiculing me in front of my red head friend so I turned to Mr. Silver, who taught me things that were wrong. I became a complete bruiser, I even broke a kid's nose in a dance club! However as it turned out Mr. Silver was the one who paid Barnes to wipe the floor with me and it's here Myiagi trashed Mr. Silver, Barnes and Mr. Kreese the prick from the first movie. You see Mr. Kreese was pissed off that I beat all of his students last year and lost his students because of it. Except the real reason he lost his students was that he almost killed one of them. So anyway they came up with this completely far fetched plot to gain revenge on me. Mainly by beating me up, vandalizing Myiagi's stores, threatening our lives and making life very unpleasant. Of course because I was too stupid to get the police involved, or the people who are working with the tournament I pretty much was dumb enough for this plan to work.

I suppose you want to know how the tournament went, well I was getting my ass kicked. I couldn't connect with any punches, my kicks were all blocked and the prick I was fighting broke the rules so many times that in real life a martial artist would be disqualified, however being that the world was against me, I got back up and kept getting my ass kicked. Until Myiagi told me I can't lose to fear and that my best karate was still inside and now it was time to let it out. So I started doing kata and in one crazy fluke this worked, I threw Barnes over and punched him in the chest and won the fight. Boy, can we say lucky. However I don't have to worry about such things since Myiagi and I are going seperate ways, I hear he's training a girl now, I of course am in college but sadly all the girls there think i'm a creepy old guy. So i'm asking, No, I'm begging for you to come to America and start again, I mean I need a battle, something to do as I have literally done nothing since these adventures.

Barnes became a soap opera star, Mr. Silver became a low budget action star, Mr. Kreese became Biehn screened and Ihaven't done anything since winning this tournament. But that's what I get after all for being Biehn Screened, I was 27 years old and yet I was still sucking off the teat that hollywood conformed to my limited acting skills. I mean you don't see a lot of 27 year old kids play 18, in fact I was actually older than Mr. Silver by a couple monthes. Wow! So please Kumiko, I know it's been years but what do you say? I mean i'm desperate, and remember if not for me that guy in Japan would've killed you. You owe me.

Yours Truly,
Daniel

Hamlin Grade: 5

Ryan
-Board certified professional safety dancer