I AM AN F.B.I. AGENT!

Actually, Keanu, you are in fact a B.A.D. Actor.

1991's Point Break united superstars Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze (one at the ascent of his career, the other teetering on the apex) for this action packed thrill ride which fused the suspense and drama of bank robbery with the beauty, and speed of surfing, and then liberally coated it with steaming mounds of bad acting.

Agent Johnny Utah (played by the Keanu), fresh out of Quantico, where he graduated with top honors (100%! Way to go Utah... yeah Keanu, give us that thumbs up you prick) is sent packing to California, to the F.B.I.'s Bank Robbery Division. After a warm introduction from FBI Agent Harp (played magnificently by John C. McGinley of Platoon fame.... whaddaya say there LT?) Utah meets his new partner FBI Agent Angleo Pappas (played by Bad Movie Knights own Gary Busey). Utah and Pappas share a few moments of slinging testosterone at one another before uniting to take down the Ex-Presidents.... a group of uncatchable bank robbers.

Pappas' theory is that the Ex-Presidents are surfers and thus Utah must go undercover as a surfer to discover the identity of these wave riding banditos. With me so far?

Enter Tyler Ann Endicott (played by the irritating Lori Petty.... her voice sounds like a rust knife being scraped across a black board) a total loser who works at a roadside snackstand and apparently has some surfing ability. Utah put's his thing down and convinces her to teach him to surf. While learning the art of the board from Tyler, he spies the lean and sensual form of Bodhi cruising the waves. Bohdi (played by the very sexy Patrick Swayze.... is there anything hotter than Swayze and large bodies of water? Whether it be on a surf board or tai-chiing it up lakeside.... the man just makes you question your sexuality), referred to as the Bodazoffa (I may have spelled that wrong but does it matter?.... what the fuck is a Bodazoffa anyway?) and is the leader of a surf group (unspoken leader anyway). His peers who are playing football toss him the ball and Utah intercepts it.... instantly igniting Bodhi's errogenous zones, and invites Utah to play football with them (this is code for have sex with me - see Joe from Say Anything...).

Utah once again throws his manhood around against Bodhi's and end's up tackling him in the surf... by design rather than fortunate accident. Bodhi's gang immediately question Utah's motives and look prepared to beat him silly until Bohdi introduces him as former Ohio State Buckeye's quaterback Johnny Utah. NUMBER 9 MAN! Johnny Fucking Utah sorry man didn't mean to get in your face. Now we're all good friends.

Point Break continues on with Utah and Pappas unsuccesfully tracking down the wrong group of surfers whom they think are the bank robbers. Dejected, Utah goes to Bodhi's beach party, has a few beers, does some night surfing, bangs the hot dog cart bitch, and then realizes that Bodhi and his friends could be the Ex-Presidents. Actually those parts are reversed, but whatever you get the fucking point.

Utah and Pappas stake out a bank, and sure enough during their hearty breakfast of meatball subs, the Ex-Presidents arrive to hold up the financial institution. This is probably one of the best scenes in the movie (aside from the ones where Swayze is shirtless) as Pappas and Utah pursue the Ex-President's by car, then Utah takes off after Bodhi on foot. The foot chase scene is hilarious. It goes on forever, through backyards, homes, driveways, large gaping vagina's, you name it, they ran through it. This scene in fact encompasses one-third of the movie. Bodhi however manages to escape when Utah re-injures his knee (the same one he injured during his college football days... missed my window).

Toss in some more surfing, a little skydiving, a kidnapping, another bank robbery, another kidnapping, a shootout, some more sky diving and you have the heart and soul of Point Break. Now somewhere during this movie you will ask yourself... is Bell's Beach bigger than Wayameah... bra? Point Break won't leave you hanging as we find out at the finale of the film.

A little 50 year storm action, a fist fight, some hand cuffs, a Ronald Reagan mask, some whip cream.... and you have one sweet ass bad movie. This is perhaps Keanu Reeves second best role ever (after Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure), as he does have to play a surfer throughout most of the movie, and he's believable in the part (whoever thought casting him in Shakespeare was a wise move should be raped by a tractor). Point Break launched Reeves into superstardom, and unfortunately for Swayze was the last real blockbuster he ever headlined in.... unless you count that drag queen shit he appeared in a few years later (although Wesley Snipes did make a pretty hot chick).

Point Break delivers when it comes to action, but the beauty of this film is that almost every line in the movie is quotable. Either the screenwriter was a genius or a major league jackass. Regardless, Point Break is Bad Movie Knight gold.

Keanu, this is YOUR fucking wake up call!

Hamlin Grade: 5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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