Can you say sausage fest?
300 is a bad movie. Yes it's loaded with action. Loaded with battle scenes. Loaded with special effects. So why is it a bad movie? Because it is also loaded with cock.
When the armies of Xerxes decides to annex Sparta, and the Spartan soothsayers forbid Leonidus from going to war, he and 300 of his soldiers jump into their speedos, grab their spears (no pun intended) and shields, don their red capes and saunter off to the battlefield. What follows is 2 hours of Greco-Brokeback Mountain-Wrestling between these combatants armed only with their courage and the best abdominal muscles the computer graphics world could supply (my thoughts and prayers go out to the poor bastard who had to sit for the better part of 8 years digitally enhancing abs while his peers created spaceships, monsters, and cityscapes dotted with a giant ape).
The novelty of the grand battle sequence is truly over. Ever since Mel Gibson whipped out his Braveheart and slaughtered the English, every director in Hollywood (and a scant few in New Zealand) has clambered to reproduce that same effort. Some have succeeded, but most have failed. 300 to it's credit, does offer a new look at the giant battle scene, but after several hours of this monotony, it too becomes a parody of itself. What you are ultimately left with is a bunch of guys in capes and g-strings dancing around fighting a losing battle until they all die.
300 is visually entertaining, and the Director does manage to toss a few breasts our way but they are few and far between and hardly serve to balance the heaving pile of penis this movie throws your way. From what I've read in the history books, these guys actually fought in the buff, so the speedos and capes were creative license taken by the films director. For that I bless him with a Hamlin. Otherwise, that CGI guy would have been digitally enhancing cock for a decade..... and we would have been forced to swallow... I mean watch it.
Hamlin Grade: 1
Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,