Hercules. This film is a giant pile of shit that has been gift wrapped with a card made out specifically for Bad Movie Knights. It stars former Mr. Universe bodybuilder Lou Ferrigno as Hercules. I could essentially stop the review right there, shower it with Hamlin heads, make a joke about how much England sucks and tell you to go out view this epic. However, I will elaborate.... mostly because it will give me more opportunities to rip on those fuckin' Brits.

Lou Ferrigno. Once considered a peer of and the man who would dethrone Arnold Schwarzenegger in the sport of bodybuilding, Ferrigno has fallen so far from grace that I'm actually more famous than he is today. While Schwarzenegger went on to conquer Hollywood, earn millions, buy so much land in California that they had to elect him President of that far away land, Ferrigno took a different path. The path less travelled? No not necessarily. The path to mediocrity. Schwarzenegger is now busy making appearances at the White House, and if you are lucky, you can catch Lou Ferrigno autographing photographs of himself as the Incredible Hulk for the paltry sum of $20. Unfortunately Ferrigno's career post Incredible Hulk (the television series from the early 80's) has become a never-ending a 30 year joke.

Stop me if you've heard this one.....

Knock Knock. Who's there?
Ferrigno!

Back to Hercules. This film is spectacular. Not only does it star Lou Ferrigno, but the lovely breasts of Sybil Danning as well (Danning is also in this film soley as a transporter of her lovelies). Ferrigno did next to nothing to prepare for his role as the demi-god, except for toss on a loin cloth and liberally cover his pecs with massage oil (you hot yet?). He sports a beard and the same 'Ponch' from C.H.i.P.s hairstyle that he's been wearing since his Brooklyn days. The master stroke of Hercules however is from Director Luigi Cozzi who decided that instead of using the original voice track of Ferrigno, all of his scenes should be re-dubbed. Brilliant!

What more do you need? You get a dubbed Lou Ferrigno (the voice over guy while clear and able to annunciate can't act either..... which means he is probably an amazing actor because he was able to act like an actor who couldn't act.... or perhaps I'm just an idiot), you get Sybil Danning's amazing breasts smashed together in an outfit a 1st grader couldn't fit in, horrible special effects, no story, and some of the best directing in Hollywood. I give you Hercules.

Ferrigno!

Hamlin Grade: 7

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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