How the fuck is Harrison Ford still a Hollywood actor(I bet even Jonathan Silverman is baffled by this one)? Let's be honest, the man has never been able to act (anyone who disagrees with me, can watch Temple of Doom and then suck my ass), and yes perhaps at one time he could have been considered a handsome man, but now his face looks like my testicles after I've been swimming for three hours in an over-chlorinated pool (or that pig diarreah bath that Rambo was soaking in during First Blood Part II (why the fuck didn't they just call that Second Blood?)).

Firewall is essentially a re-hashing of several movies (Swordfish, The Net (yeah that shitty Sandra Bullock movie that no one saw but me), and perhaps some War Games (turn your key sir! turn your missile key now sir!)) which is basically about a guy who works for a bank as a software engineer (Ford), sees his family kidnapped by some English bad guy (oooooh scary gay Brits), and is forced to steal money from said bank using all sorts of cool Hackers style methods (including the clever use of an iPod.... Apple products can take over the world... remember Independence Day, and Mission Impossible?). That's it.

I can only assume that Firewall would have never seen the big screen had Harrison not agreed to be a part of it, and even with his name, it had the staying power of Fletch's erection in front of a vagina.... little to none. Ford's career is definitely on a downward spiral ( and as soon as the newest Indiana Jones comes out will surely hit ass bottom), and it's painfully obvious that recently, he stamps every film he's in.... and mails it in. Well done sir. You've gone from household name (shitty ass actor) to total whore.

I actually watched Firewall just to see old man Harrison fire off another epic line like:

"HOW DARE YOU SIR!"

or

"GET OFF MY PLANE!"

but the poor geezer is so over the hill I think his jugular veins would explode if he tried to exert any emotion whatsoever. So we get the serious old man Harrison, who bides his time, while doing the gay English guy's dirty work, while also trying not to get caught at work even though he is raising plenty of suspicion (don't worry, his employer is always one step behind and Harrison's teste face never get's caught). Wrap Firewall up with some pointless and way to late to save this shitty film gun fire and a fist fight (ok, the English guy, even though he's English is still some 30 years the junior of Harrison.... I don't know about the rest of you, but even on my worst day, drunk off my ass, and shitting bad Mexican food, I would fuck that old man up) that finishes with a pick-axe to the spine..... and you have an epic. How dare you Harrison. How dare you sir.

Hamlin Grade: 1

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat