REVIEW: Deja Vu
I have just watched the greatest movie ever. Deja Vu. I have just watched the greatest movie ever. Deja Vu.
Ok, that was a cheap one, but it had to be done. Let's get to the meat and potatoes. Denzel Washington is the fucking man. Is there any project out there that he has not stuck his magical penis into that didn't turn into pure gold? I swear that man's asshole shits Oscars. Deja Vu should have just been called Denzel.
Deja Vu is brought to by producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Tony Scott, which means prepare for non stop explosions, gun-play, and limitless action. Deja Vu actually delivers a pretty interesting story (a rarity here at Bad Movie Knights) which delves into the phenomenon of time travel (something we are very familiar with here at Bad Movie Knights). Deja Vu also gives us a first look at the new fat Val Kilmer.... and I have to say the man carries his weight well. When's the last time you walked up to someone and said.... 'Damn you got fat'.... and followed that with a 'and you look pretty good' prior to getting punched in the face (most likely you'd be able to easily dodge said punch from the fatty). Needless to say, fatty Val, is working the look.
Denzel Washington plays ATF agent Doug Carlin (ATF stands for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.... all which we here at Bad Movie Knights are intimately familiar with) and is investigating the mother of all explosions (this one is a beauty even for Bruckheimer and Scott) that occurred on board a ferry in New Orleans. A pickup truck (scarily familiar to the one Chuck Norris ran around in Lone Wolf McQuade) is loaded with all sorts of military grade explosives and detonates in the car port of the ferry. The ferry which is toting a bunch of Navy guys, women and children blows sky high killing over 500 of the passengers. It's up to Denzel to save the day.
Carlin is quickly recruited into a secret task force headed up by Agent Pryzwarra (fat Val) and is introduced to the time travel equipment that allows the users a glimpse 4 days into the past. This undercover secret task force attempts to catch criminals by viewing how they perpetrate their crimes. Carlin decides that the group should be pro-active rather than re-active when he discovers the video they are watching can affect the past. Do I really need to tell you what happens next?
Denzel strips down Terminator style and goes back into the past to save the fucking day! HELLL YEAH!! That is some quality Denzel! What's even cooler is that his nemesis in this film is played by Jesus. I mean James Caviezel, the artist formerly known as Jesus.
Deja Vu, as I said before does have a great story (perhaps a first on this site), awesome action, explosions, gun fights, a fat Val Kilmer, and perhaps the greatest thing of all... fucking Denzel.
Hamlin Grade: 7
Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat
Comments
Oh, instead of Ryan Kenner I'm giving credit for the quote to Casper Van Dien. He deserves the glory more than you.
Why? YOU DON'T HAVE A COMB-BACK DO YOU? NO! HE DOES! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH JOY AND SUNSHINE THAT BRINGS TO THE HEART OF MILLIONS! CASPER VAN FUCKING DIEN! BITCH!
Posted by: Part-time Ninja | May 21, 2007 04:03 AM
Wha? PTN, you lost me....
...and yes Casper Van Dien has brought countless millions joy through his... ahem... acting.
Posted by: pat | May 21, 2007 10:12 AM
Had the first comment been accepted by your strange, red site then it would have made much more sense. Basically I may use quotes from your last 2 reviews on my site someplace because they amuse me.
And yes, you can all go lick Casper Van Dien's balls.
Posted by: Part-time Ninja | May 22, 2007 05:00 AM
Are you a homo? No, seriously...are you gay? References to Denzel's penis and how good Val looks with extra weight is starting to give me semi-wood. And then all this talk about Casper Van Douche Bag is making me flush(my toilet after I vomit).
Are you going to get back to reviewing bad movies, or just talk about sexy men all day????
Maybe you should change the name to Bad Homo Knights.
;)
Posted by: brad | May 22, 2007 05:04 PM
As you can see, Brad, Big Daddy Yum Yum and I are the only straight ones here. The gay parade is all led by Patrick and Fletch. With some part time ninja thrown in.
Wait, so that's why they call him 'Part time ninja' because he Ninjas peoples parts. Plus if there is any doubt about Part Time Ninja's closet homosexuality, it's all depicted in his Dolph Lundgren pictures, in which he posts the sexiest poses he could find.
But then again he's English, and being gay is about as redundant among their kind as having bad teeth.
Posted by: Ryan | May 22, 2007 10:12 PM
Said the man who spends so much time staring into the anus of Jean Claude Van Damme that the rest of the world around him actually begins to look like smooth, shiny buttocks. When Ryan Kenner emails me, he talks about JCVD's buttocks 42% of the time, which is worrying because I never, ever raise the subject.
Ryan Kenner spends so much time on JCVD's ass that he's practically playing tennis in his colon.
Posted by: Part-time Ninja | May 23, 2007 07:10 AM
That's right, because you're to busy trying to get the focus back on Dolph Lundgren's butt cheeks, in fact the only reason he's so defensive is because it annoys him every second that he can't gaze into the true masculine form of "butch man-whore" Dolph. (His own words)
As for Jean-Claude Van Damme, come on it's Jean-Claude Van Damme, him and Chow Yun Fat automatically get a bye, because both men and women want him.
Posted by: Ryan | May 23, 2007 03:13 PM
Brad. Let's make one thing clear.
If admiring another man's penis is gay...
...well then HELLO SAILOR!
Posted by: Pat | May 23, 2007 10:43 PM
Dolph. Jean-Claude. Chow. Lorenzo. Talcum powder. Ice cream. Barry White CDs. Bubble baths. More talcum powder. Pink furry slippers. And maybe even some oh-so-macho arm wrestling.
Ladies and gentlemen = the PTN / Ryan Kenner Friday Night.
You gotta admit... it's the total package...
Posted by: Part-time Ninja | May 24, 2007 03:59 AM
You forgot the astroglide. Can't have a friday night without that, whether you have party guests or not. (Especially if the latter is true)
Posted by: Ryan | May 25, 2007 12:12 AM