I want to have a go with Kirstie Alley.

I'm sure your initial reaction is "WHAT"?! Followed by the logical "But Sir Michael, you are an unparalled artist, and you have been in scores of pictures." To which of course I would heartily agree, and also add that I have also been in scores of ladies. Perhaps that is why I find my loins aching for the warmth that only one Kirstie Alley can provide.

Your next reaction will of course be "Ahhh, Sir Michael, you must be referring to a younger Kirstie Alley". Again you are right as rain. A younger Kirstie Alley is what I desire.

A Kirstie Alley younger by one year, and some 75 pounds more beautiful.

Why you ask? My genitals have seen more action than the beaches of Normandie, and because of my prowess on screen (and on the love stretcher) women throw their shoo shoo mary's at me as if it were Mardi Gras. These women are of a similiar ilk, hard bodied, tight, alabaster skinned, and willing.... leaving me bored.

This is why I need to be bedded by Kirstie Alley. A Kirstie Alley of ponderous dimensions. I desire a women that I must do battle with. A woman I must climb upon like a mountaineer and raise my British flag in salute of my achievement! I want to be thrown about, like i was in Jaws: The Revenge. I wish to be forced to get in touch with my feminine side while having my air passages closed off because of a scissors lock. I wish to share in the indulgence of a post-coitus ho ho, and care not where the preservative loaded crumbs fall.

Ms. Alley. Prepare to be Cained.

This is the word of Caine.