American Ninja 2:The Confrontation isn't just a fucking movie, it is truth in advertisement to the letter. Not only does it feature an American ninja but it also has a confrontation. So right there we must give credit where credit is due, because damn it some movies don't even get this right so at least the movie candidly delivers what it said it would. Now the Richard Harrington mocked the title claiming such viscous things as "Have you seen a ninja movie without a confrontation?" but damn it this is no call for crticism, it's for praise. Watch the sarcasm. Also strangely enough that's the only negative thing he says about American Ninja 2, but can you blame him? I sure wouldn't want to piss off the American Ninja,especially after seeing his invincible standards here.

However what makes this attempt at duplicating the success of Bruce Li is that Dudikoff pulls off a performance and of such martial arts skill, that he clearly is my first choice to the heir of the mighty Bruce Li. After all like Bruce Li, Dudikoff basically flattens any schmuck in black suits who call themselves ninjas without even once changing his expression of worried disdain. Also like Bruce Li movies these movies are indefensible because can you honestly fault a movie that exists solely to show some random adidas model and his black sidekick kick the crap out of anything that moves.

What I also love about American Ninja 2 is that it's fight sequences are all timely. And by timely is that these fight sequences like a Bruce Li movie, are just entertaining and not anything else beyond that. Listen i'm the film's biggest fan and I admit with wholehearted truth that these martial arts sequences are certainly enjoyable and even sometimes exciting, but compared to HK cinema or even some of Van Damme's stuff it's clearly the inferior. For the 80s though it's about as good as it gets and it certainly beats Chuck Norris. But then isn't that true of anything? So despite the fact that some morons will say that these action sequences are lame, this is only representive of someone who thinks the CGI work of Charlie's Angels is cutting edge. So I say fuck anyone who would rather watch CA or XXX over this, because you're most likely sexually frustated to the point that the only thing you enjoy, is seeing a bald headed ,fur coat wearing queer snowboard down a mountain or three empty headed chicks who pay more attention to their bust then actually kicking ass, while a true man's man (Michael Dudikoff) is sweating it out, never showing emotion and doing the type of moves that would only work in real life. That's right no fucking CGI here! However if you're used to HK work you'll love this because it's truly as close as the U.S has gotten to given us an American version of Bruce Li.

Anywho the confrontation starts when Dudikoff and James go to "paradise" to solve the mysterious disappearance of marines. By the way, this is one of the greatest things about the movie, all the marines wear hawaiian shirts and sit around the beach doing nothing. Hell I would've joined the marines tomorrow if it was like this in real life, who cares about getting killed in Iraq when you can get stationed afterwards in paradise where you just sit around and go surfing and oogle the naked ladies on the beach. Also for some reason even the commanding officer doesn't wear his uniform. I'm guessing the production couldn't afford the uniforms. Yippee!

Anyway the marines send for the American Ninja and Steve James and brief (While still in the damn hawaiian shirts!) them on the disappearance of marines from various hidey holes. By the way the exchange goes something like "What is this? Ninjas, Drug pushers? My men being kidnapped and murdered, this is really starting to get on my tits!" Or another sample of excellent dialog which goes "This is the most ridiculous story i've heard in my life, are you telling me my men were abducted by ninjas!" To which a not even phased Dudikoff responds "Yes sir!" Also the commanding officer isn't too bright especially that he actually says at one point "Ninja, what the hell are ninja?" Have you ever met anyone in your life who doesn't know what a ninja is? Jeez. (By the way check out badmovies.org for the sound clips that, believe it or not (Without me reading about it first) actually contain all the soundbytes of what I mentioned!)

That Michael Dudikoff was sure one hell of a ninja. I think it stands to reason that this is the last man standing between world domination and democracy. I tell you what, Iraq would be another cold war if the American Ninja were young enough, because he's the main reason the Russians never went Red Dawn on us. (Shame on you if you like that garbage heap of a movie) And when you watch Dudikoff in action, it's not hard to see why. Dudikoff slices and dices his opponents so fast that blood doesn't even splatter! And that fight against his superninja counterpart? Well let's just say that through the art of hanging upside down on whatever the hell it is, he's able to somehow use mind control to have his attacker waste his shotgun shells and even have said shooter shoot another enemy ninja in the process. Not bad for a guy who was once an addias model. Oh and you know those Chuck Norris facts, well let me ask you this, Norris needs to use a roundhouse, the American Ninja doesn't even need to connect with his opponents to make them die. How cool is that? So fuck the Chuck Norris facts, it's really Michael Dudikoff who can do such things. I mean for goodness sake he can beat up ninjas and still drive his car. I can't even drive a car while I'm getting head, so my admiration goes out to Dudikoff.

I was also equally amazed at the turn of events that found Steve James fighting in what have to be the shortest shorts ever. Him and Dudikoff are kicking the crap out of ninjas on a island ledge, to which both Dudikoff and James jump from about 300 feet and land in the moving speedboat while it's still moving! , without even hurting themselves. (As others have pointed out) Once again this is what inspired Road House's character to say "Pain Don't Hurt" because he damn well knew he had no right to complain, especially since just two years earlier an American ninja and his partner did something that would've no doubt killed a normal person, and i'm sure it hurt a little but they weren't crying about it. Patrick Swayze looked up to the said example and therefore he took his staple like a man. Role models can be so important.

Speaking of models, Michael Dudikoff also has the uncanny ability to catch darts, swords and arrows and then pull what I like to call a "return to sender" which basically consists of him catching it and then throwing it back at the sender killing the bastard instantly. All of these all comes to a heated confrontation at a cafe where Steve James and Michael Dudikoff basically clear out an entire room of thugs, and ripping their marine uniforms in the process. What is even greater is what I like to the bicep spread. In which about 20 people pile on top of Steve James, and completely unphased James spreads his biceps and throws them quite a few feet! Also James perfects the art of human shield fighting, this is of course when you grab some hapless schmuck and use his face as a shield from devasating blows, and he uses his shield at least close to 30 times. You see that's what is great about us Americans, the Asians might think to use martial arts percision, but we were the ones that thought of using someone else to take the blows for you, while you go around and kick the crap out of whoever comes your way. Of course not to be one upped, Jet Li then used a midget to smack the crap out of some UFC fighters in Cradle 2 The Grave, but we all secretly know that this was the inspiration of that scene. Woohoo!

Also there is a girl, a crazy druglord who wants to create superninjas to take over the world (Let's just hope this doesn't give George W any ideas, he's dumb enough to try it.) and a master ninja played by Mike Stone who is believe it or not related to the main reason why I can't have an erection for another two years. In that his sister made Basic Instinct 2 and took her clothes off. (Shudder) All of this is pretty much straight forward, and like a Bruce Li movie it's minimal narrative with just an excuse to include martial arts and bad acting.

In other words the perfect movie to watch drunk, high, hungover, at 4 AM or quite possibly when you plan on springing a ninja attack on Holland. Speaking of which, I have score to settle with that damn Yi-Long, who right now is thanking his lucky stars that i'm American Ninja Man and not the real American Ninja.

Hamlin Grade: 6.5

Board certified Safety Dancer
Ryan