Since the Star Wars prequels have been under fire over these past two weeks, I thought I might inject my feelings on how they have truly ruined the original story.

Yes, I like many of you true believers agree that you can hold dear the originals, and watch them as an unmolested and separate entity. This however is impossible. Why you ask? Lucas. The man has infected the originals with bits and pieces from the pre-quels in an effort (from his perspective) to bind the two series together, and complete the circle.

Lucas' greatest failure, and badge to honor this disaster occurs within the final installment of the original series, Return of the Jedi. In the closing moments of the film, Luke Skywalker glances from his celebrating friends to view his mentors, Yoda and Ben Kenobi, looking on in their ghostly forms, only to be joined by his father Anakin Skywalker. Of course, before Lucas stuck his John Thomas in this episode of Star Wars, Anakin Skywalker was the same man who is de-masked by Luke prior to his death.... with a mildly better complexion, and less burns, and wearing the priestly robes of a Jedi Master. So now, we have Return of the Jedi... The Special Edition. What a contradiction. In place of the aged Anakin Skywalker, we find a transparent Hayden Christensen, the actor who portrayed Anakin Skywalker in the pre-quels. Why? Why does Lucas feel the need to replace Anakin with a younger version of himself, and why is this his greatest error of all?

Simple. Why does Anakin Skywalker deserve this fountain of youth treatment? If Lucas really felt the desire to bring more pre-quel elements into the originals, why didn't he erase my fellow colleague Alec Guiness and replace him with that young Scottish lad Ewan McGregor? Hell, he could have swapped out that old raisin of a puppet for the enhanced CGI version of Yoda. But did he? Certainly not. Lucas made one whimsical decision after another, and watched the complete lifecycle of his creation. Birth, life, and painfully violent death.

This is the Word of Caine.