Has there ever been a larger dissappointment.... aside from mine and perhaps Fletch's existence? The conclusion to perhaps the greatest failure in Hollywood, Star Wars - Episode III, Revenge of the Sith.

Darth Vader, perhaps the greatest villian ever created is dissected and destroyed in George Lucas's pre-quels to his original Star Wars saga. So what did we learn?

Before donning his pitch black armor, and igniting his crimson sword (no not his cock Duggan), Darth Vader for lack of a better word was a pussy. A whining, sniveling, spoiled, possibly gay, incredibly bad acting (although I blame Lucas for that) nancy mary sally pussy. Star Wars - Episode III, Revenge of the Sith wraps up the complete undermining of Darth Vader, and destroys all for which he has fought for in the original trilogy.

While this movie was the last to appear on screen, chronologically, it is the third of six in the Star Wars series. It wraps up the the first story arc focusing on the fall of Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side and closes a book that George Lucas should never have opened.

Yes, I was one of the many faithful, who could not wait to see the tales that preceded the original Star Wars films, but like so many of my brothers, we wished for something that could never be.

To the many Star Wars fans (and I mean the originals) I say this. It is ok to hate these movies. It took me some time, especially after walking out of Star Wars - Episode I, The Phantom Menace. I was so excited to see it, perhaps blinded even that when I left the theater I was almost conditioned to like it. But after a few days I began to slowly realize that this new Star Wars movie had not lived up to my expectations. Following a week of reflection, I soon discovered that this new Star Wars film was not only a let down, but plain and simple it fucking sucked. Many Star Wars fans blindly accept the new films because they think that any dissension will tarnish their rank amongst the fanboys of the original. There is a large sect of us, who look at the originals as genius, and the pre-quels as heinous. After viewing the first pre-quel on screen, I never again returned to the theatre to see the remaining two.

While watching the bonus dvd from the new Star Wars Trilogy DVD Box set (which is great and painful at the same time... I'll explain shortly), there is an amazing documentary entitled Empire of Dreams which chronicles the life of George Lucas during his college years through the production of the Star Wars movies. The documentary while completely self-serving (the amount of compliments he administered to himself) does offer a terrific glimpse of what he went through to make the films. However you can almost see where he evolves from film maker to deity (at least in the eyes of his colleagues) and lost the ability to make an error (again, in the eyes of his colleagues).... and thus his own personal fall from grace. Lucas' greatest failure was in his inability to recognize his need for an Executive Officer... a personal counter weight that would contradict his decisions, and correct his mistakes. However this was just not to be..... and thus the circle is now complete. Or is it?

Star Wars - Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, represents the final nail into the coffin of this tragedy. I could go on forever about the inconsistencies that exist throughout the films, but will save you the torture.....no I won't:

-Why doesn't Chewbacca recognize Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars? Didn't he meet him through video conference, while Yoda was commanding him and the rest of the yeti's? Even though he's aged, he still would have known the name.

- How did Princess Leia remember images of what her mother looked like when she died in child birth?

-Why was everyone shocked that Padme was having twins? Were obstetrician's that bad? They had the technology to rocket through space, but couldn't master the art of ultra-sound?

-Why is having the high ground so important? The exclaimation of Obi Wan moments before he de-legs Anakin that he'd won? First off, why did Anakin need to triple lindy over Kenobi.... couldn't he have just stepped off his little lava raft, and walked up the bank? Now if having the high ground is so great, why didn't Darth Maul say the same thing to him at the end of Phanton Menace? Didn't Kenobi do the same thing that Anakin did? How come Kenobi still has legs?

-Why the fuck was Jimmy Smits in the pre-quels? What a waste of a quality actor? Fletch did more lines of coke during the film than he had lines in the movie.

-"When I first knew your father, he was already the greatest star fighter pilot in the galaxy.... and a cunning warrior".... oh was he Ben? From my point of view, he was little dipshit kid, that flew a mechanical chariot in an effort to market a Pod Racing Video Game by Lucas Arts.

-Why the fuck did Lucas go back into the original trilogys and insert his new pre-quel footage? I get chills now when I see the ghosts of Yoda, Ben Kenobi..... and Hayden Chistiansen? Why? I feel dirty now.

There is no denying that the special effects in Star Wars - Episode III, Revenge of the Sith are spectacular, and are just as good in the previous two movies.....unfortunately there is no special effect that can help what is a terrible story. Which, for us makes it a great bad movie. Bad Movie Knight's will find a cornacopia of bad movie lines from Anakin, Kenobi, and especially the Emperor (who sounds like he's having an orgasm every time he speaks). The movie may suck, and it may tarnish the originals (if you are unable to disconnect from them), but they are exceptional bad movies.

Hamlin Grade: 4.5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat