REVIEW: Footloose
Been working so hard - at a feed store, shirtless....yeah that's hot
I'm punching my card - I'm off work yay! Now I can dance around my Volkswagon Beetle in an abandoned warehouse! Fucking Sweet! Borderline gay as well.
Eight hours. For what? - for money you dumb hick, oh sorry forgot, you're from the big city of Chicago ain't ya Ren!?! Ren?! Who the hell named your ass, and thought lets move to a small town that makes the one in Brokeback Mountain look tolerant?
Oh, tell me what I got - great hair Bacon. great fuckin' hair
I've got this feeling - yeah, that's called questioning your sexuality
That time's still holding me down - much like Chuck, who prefers to take his sex in a manner some might define as RAPE!
I'll hit the ceiling - well you held your dance in the crawl space of a feed store....5 foot ceilings are not beneficial for jumping....especially the way Chris Penn dances.
Or else I'll tear up this town - I would too. This town is nothing short of a Klu Klux Klan factory. Tear that shit up Ren! TEAR IT UP!
Now I gotta cut - Wha? You kinda mailed that line in Kenny.
Loose, footloose - perhaps one way to describe Ariel (Lori Singer, brother of Marc Singer the Beastmaster himself.... and for the record, I'd bed him before her)
Kick off your Sunday shoes - again a description of Ariel.... that lil whore
Please, Louise - who the hell is this bitch?
Pull me offa my knees - now yer getting it Ren!
Jack, get back - Jack was obviously one of Chuck's redneck's friends who was easily dispatched by one of Ren's special karate kicks (or dance moves, your call)
C'mon before we crack - I think I already have boys
Lose your blues - this movie brings me nothing but
Everybody cut footloose - literally. take the dvd out of the player and cut it. Scrape the shit out of it so you won't have to watch it again.... unless it's on TNT (twice weekly last time I checked)
You're playing so cool - cool, as you know is wearing a tie and blazer to a school where most of the students don't own shoes
Obeying every rule - except when it comes to playing chicken on tractors..... Ren knows no rules, he's the man! Speaking of which. When playing chicken, it's probably best that both vehicles in said contest not be owned by your father.... it's really lose lose for you. Way to exercise that brain Chuck.
Dig a way down in your heart - or into Ariel's panties.... she'll let you... everyone's done it.
You're burning, yearning for songs - as long as you don't play them in your car, or you will be pulled over by the local nazis... I mean police
Somebody to tell you - that you are gay
That life ain't passing you by - if you live in this town, and your name is Willard.... yeah it is.
I'm trying to tell you - fear is the mind killer. I must not fear.
It will if you don't even try - Sarah Jessica Parker was in this. Isn't that great!
You can fly if you'd only cut - Loggins what the fuck does that mean!!?
Loose, footloose - here's the title of the movie again, in case you forgot....now we've come full circle. Loggins really was the man in the 80's.... what movie didn't he do the soundtrack for huh? Top Gun. Caddyshack.... man his kung fu was strong.
Kick off your Sunday shoes - do this in mass, and throw them at John Lithgow.... again, a town run by the clergy.... good idea to move there.
Oowhee, Marie - I wonder if she know Louise?
Shake it, shake it for me - this is patented gymnastic dance move that Bacon is famous for.
Whoa, Milo - Milo banged Marie, and Louise.
C'mon, c'mon let's go - yes please, come on get it over with already!
Lose your blues - I lost them, but just found them.
Everybody cut footloose - cut!? Kenny what the hell are you fucking talking about!?
We got to turn me around - oh shit, Ren's going back to the dark side.
And put your feet on the ground - and up your ass while yer at it.
Now take a hold of all - hahahahah
Whooooooooa, I'm turning it - is this the theme to Footloose or Brokeback Mountain (that is the second BBM reference in one review.... you are getting your money's worth in this one!)?
There's a time to laugh. There's a time to cry and there is a time to dance. However, after watching this. It's a time to cry.
Hamlin Grade: 2

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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