Few actors in the genre are as memorable villains as William Smith and Brian Thompson. Now Brian Thompson is the heavy in tons of action movies, he played the heartless bad guy in Cobra, he was the first person killed by The Terminator, he played Shoa Kahn in Mortal Kombat:Annhilation (Rather badly though), was the alien bounty hunter on X-Files and he's biggest career acheivement playing a bad guy twice for Jean-Claude Van Damme, the greatest action star to come from brussels. (That's not even to mention acting alongside the Pare in Moon 44!) So in my book Brian Thompson is a genre favorite. And of course William Smith, is well what can I say he's the Wings Hauser of bad movie villains. These two low budget titans collide with Fred Olen Ray (The director of two decent movies out of about 80, The Shooter and Capitol Conspiracy and a director of some really bad movies that are fun (Warlords, Armed Responseand Cyberzone) and just some unwatchable crap.) and of course the last element of surprise is Kathy Shower, a playboy model who would later go on to star in the second greatest bad movie ever made, American Kickboxer 2. With all of these elements, as well as authentic mexican locations you would think that Commando Squad would be hilarious or at least somewhat entertaining.

It's not. In fact I was so bored through out that I started thinking perhaps I should just review something from the Costner club, in fact by the middle of it I was wondering if I should go out and shovel my sidewalk. Commando Squad would be fun if it actually contained some action, I mean isn't it what we paid for? Also given that there was a playboy model, wouldn't it be wise to have her lose her top every now and then? So without any action or nudity, this bargain bin garbage relies on the acting from William Smith and yes he pulls off the Ironside agenda, but doesn't he always? Brian Thompson despite playing against typecasting shows utterly no charisma that even Van Damme has and with a hero as dull as him it's no wonder the mind starts to wander and it's only a couple times of (unintentional) interest that relieve the extreme boredom that comes from watching this.

Here is the funny, Brian Thompson uses a rocket launcher to bring down a helicopter which has it crash down as if it had been shot in the gas tank (Meaning it goes down in with fuel leaking) and when Kathy Shower arrives in Mexico, her helicopter is blown up with a shotgun! Then the torture method is Brian Thompson getting his teeth pulled out (I sort of felt jealous of him, because at least he didn't have to watch this movie) and last but not least is when Kathy Shower calls a woman in a bar a "Midget donkey fucker" However aside from this, my boredom was established.

The action sequences are also very lame, with no real sense of excitement and stunts that just border on the laughable. Were talking action sequences with all the vigor of a scrabble contest. This is of course awful, awful to watch. And why is this called Commando Squad anyway? Since our protagonists are either cops or DEA agents (Couldn't figure it out, since Kathy Shower chases someone in the streets like a cop, in costume) They're probably DEA but that hardly qualifies them as Commandos and they don't really count as a squad since there are only 2 of them fighting against maybe 5 people. Not exactly the worst odds in the world. Indeed had Jean-Claude Van Damme or Chuck Norris seen these two protagonists and how lame they're (Thompson gets captured twice and Shower gets captured in a truly ridiculous plan) they would kill these morons on sheer principle, for making action heroes look bad. Indeed Van Damme did kill Brian Thompson in The Order!

Anyway Commando Squad has no plot. That's fine. Commando Squad has no acting. That's also fine. Commando Squad has no nudity or good action, that's not fine for this is what brings in the customers. So in the end, Commando Squad sucks midget donkey ass.

Hamlin Grade: 1

Ryan