The 1980's marked the crescendo of the Cold War and Hollywood did not hesitate to cash in on the red threat. Almost every buff movie star of that decade got in on the action, from Stallone in Rambo to sweet Swayze in Red Dawn, so why shouldn't one of the greatest action stars of the Eighties, if not the greatest, throw his hat into the ring? I'm speaking of none other than the patron saint of facial hair, Chuck Norris.

In 1985's Invasion USA the pinko bastards who have come to the land of the free in hopes to destroy our democratic utopia, hail from that pesky little island in the Caribbean known as Cuba. As we have learned in countless other movies, behind every Communist power lurks the evil puppet master that is Mother Russia. The Soviet mastermind who is to lead his Cuban Comrades is named Mikhail Rostov, played by Richard Lynch. Our BMK glossary term known as Beaned was taylor made for Mr. Lynch, and the minute you see him on screen you'll know why. There are several things Rostov must accomplish in order for his vision of chaos and destruction to be realized. First, Rostov must equip his army with weapons, and this means he has to meet with an arms dealer named Mickey played by Billy Drago. Drago also falls under the term Beaned, having previously witnessed his work in more well known films such as Pale Rider and the Untouchables. Damn you Costner!!!!! Why must you torment me so?! Sorry, let me refocus . . . . . . All right, so we have Lynch and Drago making an arms transaction!

Two Beans in one room can only mean one thing, all hell is about to break loose, and boy does it! Once Rostov makes sure he has his merchandise, he proceeds to slam the head of an innocent coke whore into a desk, mid line mind you, forcing a straw into her brain. In the same motion he pulls out his gun to deal with Mickey. Now apparently to shoot and kill someone is far too simple and, quite frankly, beneath a villain of Rostov's caliber. Rostov skillfully maneuvers his gun into Mickey's pantaloons blowing his cock off, then throws him out the window to fall several stories to his cockless death. Yes . . . it does sound arousing doesn't it? Apparently, this is Rostov's preferred method of torture, and we will see it repeated throughout the film. I therefore dub this method of killing as The Rostov Cock Shot.

Now that his Comrades are armed, Rostov has one more obstacle to overcome in order for his diabolical plans to come to fruition; he must kill Matt Hunter played by Chuck Norris! Rostov sends a hit team armed with grenade launchers to destroy Mr. Hunter and his beautiful home on the Everglades. Invasion USA could have easily been called a thousand and one targets for grenade launchers. The one lesson you take away from this movie is that at no time or situation is the use of a rocket launcher excessive. Needless to say Mr. Hunter's home does not survive, but does he? You bet your ass he does and he is pissed off about having to rebuild in the swamp. Arming himself with a black pick up, leather driving gloves, tight jeans, and a gun holster that holds two Uzis at all times, Matt Hunter is ready to hit you with so many rights you'll beg for a left. Norris delivers again as one man takes on an army in Invasion USA!

Hamlin Grade: 7

Fletch is a killing word!