Say Anything...

Ok. How about don't watch this fucking piece of shit.

Say Anthing... starts out like a pretty cool look at high school life....some music, some parties, some drinking, and then takes a hard right and crashes into a huge sopping wet vagina.

Lloyd Dobler (played by John Cusack.....who has essentially been playing the same fucking character since Sixteen Candles) is a slacker high school guy who decides to ask out the High School Valedictorian, Diane Court (played by Ione Skye...who has the most retarded name in Hollywood....if you can call her in Hollywood anymore), who is also the hottest chick in school. Ok, biggest error right there. The Valedictorian from my high school was brilliant mind you, but had a face you'd want to put out like a three alarm fire. So we suspend disbelief. So this jackass calls up the hot chick, and asks her out....and she agrees. I thought she was smart?

Say Anything...

Just fucking kill me already.

So Lloyd takes Diane out on a date, which in high school means going to a keg party....where the two essentially never interface (see Sixteen Candles). However at this party we get to meet Lloyd's best friend Corey, who is a guitar playing nightmare, dancing a thin line between suicide and NASCAR style lesbian. Of course Corey is a bit upset because her former boyfriend, Joe who used her and threw her on the pile with the rest of the women he's destroyed has also shown up to the party with his new upgraded girlfriend. So Corey decides to sit in a room playing songs about Joe (there are some 60+, and thanks to Lloyd we know they are all about Joe and pain). You know that room at a kick ass party where all the tree huggers hang out and wallow in their misery.... there's always some asshole on guitar. That's Corey. Fortunately later on at the party, Joe finds Corey alone, and works his magic. Corey exclaims "You invade my soul Joe", to which he replies "Have sex with me." Of course she rebuffs his advances, and is left even more destroyed.

Say Anything...

Joe's the fucking man!

Lloyd not having drunk all night, because he was the keymaster (a clever way to promote safe driving practices, unless you are the asshole who gets stuck with the keys), gets to spend the rest of the evening driving around looking for this Depeche Mode wannabe douche bags home along with his new 'girlfriend' Diane. Somehow this strengthens the attraction and lays the groundwork for a beautiful yet completely pointless romance.

Say Anything...

Depeche Mode sucks.

Of course following the first date ala keg party, comes the obligatory second date with the family (wha?), in this case with her dickhead father Jim Court. Jim obviously doesn't like Lloyd and in many ways resembles the father of the bride from Bachelor Party. Lloyd of course opens his mouth and confirms what a loser he is to everyone at the dinner, and probably Diane as well. Regardless he gets a mercy bang out of it, in the back of his sweet ride (the Chevy Malibu), and their love making is enhanced by the soothing melodies of Mr. Peter Gabriel.

Say Anything...

Do you like Phil Collins?

Lloyd and Diane's relationship comes crashing to hault for no reason other than the fact that like every chick on the planet earth, she overthinks, reads into, and decides their fate faster than the Cyberdyne Sky Net computer did in the Terminator (I know I just had a geek attack.....it was in a micro-second in case you didn't know). BAM! Lloyd is crushed. Cut to the very original scene of Lloyd standing in the rain, on a payphone crying to his sister (played by his real life sister Joan Cusack) about how sad he is.

Say Anything...

Get some fucking balls Lloyd. At least you banged her.

So Diane's life carries on, as she prepares to study abroad in England because she so smart, and no American University would be good enough to challenge her like it does the rest of our pedestrian minds. Good news strikes! Jim Court her father is a thieving scumbag! Yes! Jim who looked down on Lloyd turns out to be a monster asshole, who's business is Nursing Homes, and has been scamming the ederly for decades (I guess someone has to). Of to a Federal Penal Colony Jim! Yeah it's a country club like atmosphere, but Jim still has to wear bright orange prison issues, and I'm sure some guys balls on his chin (this is speculation, but I deem it very probable). With no one to turn to, Diane accepts Lloyd back into her mouth....I mean life. Comforting her in her hour of need, they re-ignite their love for one another, and visit big Jim and the prison. Lloyd talks to Jim and explains that he will be joining his daughter on her trip to Europe. Jim of course is unhappy with the idea, but can do little about it.

Say Anything...

Lloyd's banging your daughter Jim, and he's gonna be banging her in Europe too asshole!

This movie is a train wreck of massive proportions. John Cusack once again has to show us that he is into kickboxing, in yet another movie, which he alternates every other film in self serving style with his love of cartooning. Ione Skye....what can we say about this fine actress other than....where you been bitch. Like most chick-flicks this one breaks no new ground. It follows the standard Boy meets Girl, Boy falls in love with Girl, Girl finds reason to fuck it up, Girl gets back with Boy, and Boy and Girl find love and happiness. Truly inspiring. Yes there are some classic lines in the film, that have been repeated on many a bad movie night, but these modest 2 minutes are difficult to find pleasure in while wading through the other 98. Save yourself the trouble and download the sound clips.

Say Anything...

Go Fuck Yourself!

Hamlin Grade: 2

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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