"And what did he say exactly?"

Upon pondering the finale of a series, I kept my mind focused on the fact that can a sequel call for The Quickening rule if it completely has nothing to do with the others in the series? We should make a rule in that a sequel is made that has absoluately nothing to do with the original story. Kind've the way Bloodsport IV had nothing to do with Bloodsport I-III. Anyway the lead fighter in this sequel is Mark Dacascos who unlike Van Damme (Or even Sasha Mitchell) never found mainstream success and this sequel was in result of Sasha Mitchell turning down the role and Mark Dacascos' Double Dragon bombing big time all over the world. Hence a new story was crafted and Mark Dacascos became the kickboxer in Kickboxer 5.

"He said it will be a cold day on mars before he would kiss your ass and that you can kiss his!"

The movie starts out with Negall ( James Ryan of Kill and Kill again (!) fame) as a ruthless promoter who wants all the kickboxers to join his federation, if they don't he kills them. David Sloan is one said casuality, who in the beginning is shown to practicing on a punching bag as a group of thugs blitz him with uninspired moves. Sloan cripples one of them (Mainly because one of the actors broke his leg in a horse riding accident and they were desperate to explain why the guy was on crutches. ) Sadly the David Sloan in this film looks nothing like Sasha Mitchell, in fact the David Sloan sports curly hair and is like a foot shorter than Sasha Mitchell. So for this reason alone, in my mind this wasn't the David Sloan from Kickboxer 2,3, 4, after all Sloan was in the DEA, anyway on the DVD the movie is called "The Redemption" and there is no Kickboxer 5 on the title screen. See if you can follow this, the studio execs thought it would be a good idea to not just go by The Redemption but also tack on Kickboxer 5, because we all know that John Q would rent a title called Kickboxer 5 without seeing the previous installments. Lame.

"This one's for David!"

This is interesting (Well actually it's not really) but now there is a championship fight with Johnny Styles as the underdog. (The same actor by the way, was killed off by Sasha Mitchell in Class Of 1999 II) After getting his butt kicked for what seems like forever, he gazes into Mark's eyes and communicates in a language only known by telekinetic homosexuals and gets up to put a beating on the guy in question, He wins too. However it's here that Negall's lackeys (one on crutches) offers Styles membership in a federation of champions. Matt Reeves (Mark Dacascos) says that they have no power and that Negall's rules are toilet paper, Styles agrees to meet with the promoters anyway and after a lot of boring screen time, Matt Reeves learns that the same people saw David, right before he was killed. It never seems to amaze how a rumor this well known can go around, complete with a lackey on crutches no less, and yet no police action but I digress...

"Movement without meaning ain't nothing!"

Matt comes too late and Johnny Styles is dead (Thankfully because he can't fight worth a damn, he's wimpy looking and looks pretty silly with his mushroom haircut) and Matt decides to wack these bums out, with flip kicks, roundhouse kicks and basic martial artistry that is more appropriate for Karate and Tai Chi then it does for kickboxing. Matt also kicks a guy off the building, who then lands on the henchmen's car and they just drive downtown L.A with a dead body on their car. Yes, this is why Kickboxer 5 is unknown to even fans of the original series. We also meet Negall at a meeting in an awkward exchange with his lawyer. The lawyer says "Kickboxing doesn't make sense" which causes Negall to kill the hapless bastard without warning. This sums up the bad guys, who do really nothing but sip wine, shoot giraffes, frame our heroes and only fight one time in the film. This is why the movie is often considered the worst of the series. (It's not as dull as Kickboxer 3 though)

"Kickboxing doesn't make sense"

This is where we meet Paul Croft (Geoff Meed) who is of persumably no relation to Lara, he's hired to take Matt out in a hit, but he gets cold feet and decides to go to South Africa instead. (Most likely because it's cheaper to shoot in South Africa then in L.A) Matt is also going to put the hurt on Negall and his flunkies and the movie basically consists of these two guys taking turns beating up on Negall's mens who keep coming back for more. Talk about disappointing...

"I represent the new way of thinking!"

An enjoyable part is when Negall kicks the ass of an arrogant German fighter, who has such a bad accent, and acts so badly we end up living vicariously through Negall as he crushes the bastard's throat with a well placed claw. Also there are other things that make this hopelessly uninspired kickfest tolerable at times. Which I will go into in the next paragraph.

"Someone must pay for these absurd mistakes!"

James Ryan easily pulls off The Ironside agenda, especially when compared to the people who play his henchmen, including one guy who goes so over the top with his smarminess that he comes off more like a third rate car salesman then he does as villainous. Mark Dacascos seems bored with the ridiculous character he plays (The part is so clean cut, he makes Sasha Mitchell seem like Slayer) that it never rings true as to why such a pretty boy would know martial arts, let alone engage in kicking the crap out of people when he pays so much attention to his hair, clothes and indeed his ballet like movies. James Ryan overacts with such quality, that steals what little show there is here. Indeed when Ryan goes into why kickboxing makes sense, it's hard not to keep yourself from chuckling at the sheer nutty conviction he brings to the part. I'm not sure if it's a good performance but i'm fairly sure that it did keep me from turning the movie off. After all it's no easy task to play a prostituition racket leading, drugdealing, illegal gambling ring leading, giraffe hunting, wine sipping, disgruntled kickboxing champ who has a pet cheetah. Ryan and his English accent manage to provide what little life there is to be had.

"You're joking right?"

By the way, James Ryan was in a movie that got the MST3K treatment, not to mention Rage To Kill, which maybe reviewed some time soon. Movies like Redemption:Kickboxer 5 are hard to write up, because I was left indifferent to what I saw. Plus it has some moments of inspired goofiness, but typically it was utterly routine martial arts fare with only okay action sequences and some of the dullest plot angles ever shown in a martial arts movie. A sad way to end the Kickboxer series, I mean they could've at least had two fighters fight with broken glass on their hemp wraped hands. Ah the road not taken...

Hamlin Grade: 3

Ryan