No Retreat No Surrender 2. I don't even understand the thinking behind this one. In no way whatsoever does it have anything to do with the original masterpiece No Retreat No Surrender, in fact it strays so far from the original it actually represents a level of the Quickening Principle that has never been reached (unless you count Troll 2.... but at least that had trolls in it) .

No Retreat No Surrender 2, doesn't carry the story of No Retreat No Surrender forward (which would have been fucking impossible, since No Retreat No Surrender had no story to speak of as it is), it contains none of the original cast, and in fact has replaced said all star ensemble with a group of thespians that are far far worse. In fact all of these assholes should be arrested for their performances in this disaster. So why the ruse in which this is supposed to be a sequel? Other than attempting to capitalize on a film that was so horrible in the first place and probably made little to no return on their investment, what was the logic behind this move? The producers probably would have done better calling this feature Gigli 2, as they may have made some change on the box office receipts, and this title is probably closer in storyline than it is to No Retreat No Surrender.

This movie should have been called An Asshole goes to Thailand and uses his Karate on a bunch of other Assholes who respond in kind by using their Karate on the aforementioned Asshole. Hell for a little added credibility and to give the franchise some weight, why not trick people into thinking that this is a sequel as well and call it An Asshole goes to Thailand and uses his Karate on a bunch of other Assholes who respond in kind by using their Karate on the aforementioned Asshole: Part 2.

The movie's main star is irrelevant, and so is his girlfriend, who provides the impetus for the whole picture as she is kidnapped by some Russian guys because her father has some less than legal dealings with them. The irrelevant main star, hooks up with Cynthia Rothrock (probably the most famous female martial artist in film....she can't act to save her ass, but her skills appear formidable.....I can't decide if she's attractive or not, but I'm sure after a 12 of imported I'd snap a shot off in her.....perhaps I'm being to forthcoming here?), not in a sexual manner however, but rather as a fighting force and upon discovering the whereabouts of his girlfriend they plan and execute their assault. They come face to face with the main Russian bad guy (he's the dude who played the alien in I Come in Peace, a sweet Dolph Lundgren action flick......I'm way too lazy to look up his name, and honestly don't fucking care) who looks like he's been taking steroids since he was in his mothers baby maker. Rothrock is killed, and gives us a half ass death scene that further inspires Mr. Irrelevance to do good. Bam! Final Battle. Karate, muscles, explosions and who fucking cares. This whole paragraph which took me less than two minutes to type will bleed you of 104 minutes of your life.

While the movie does provide some fantastic bad acting, balanced with some decent action sequences (the final fight sequence while blatantly homosexual in some spots is never ending and fairly exciting.....maybe because of the gayness?) it is otherwise a blemish on the No Retreat No Surrender franchise. Luckily, I think I am the only one who has ever seen this movie. Personally, I can't imagine anyone who was in this picture actually sat down to view it either. If they did, they all would have killed themselves. Oh, and by the way, on IMDB, the film is listed as No Retreat No Surrender 2: Raging Thunder. You gotta love that. As if repackaging the film under a new title years after its original pathetic release would do anything to excite viewers. Raging Thunder must refer to the bowel movement that will occur from viewing this visual laxative.

Hamlin Grade: 4

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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