In 1992, Director Roland Emmerich gave us the most anticipated team-up in film history by uniting then action superstars Jean Claude Van Damme, and Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier. Not since the pairing of Deniro and Pacino in Heat has the world witnessed an event of this extraordinary magnitude.

Van Damme and Lundgren star as Vietnam soldiers who are killed in action (actually by one another), and then resurrected decades later as part of a secret government project called the Universal Soldier program. Dubbed 'UniSols', these walking dead soldiers are used as counter terrorist, and black ops specialists around the nation. The program is met with glowing success led by Colonel Perry (played by the guy who held a lighter under Mr. Joshua's arm in Lethal Weapon) until GR44 (Van Damme), begins having 'Nam flashbacks.

Upon completion of their latest successful terrorist takedown, reporter Veronica Roberts tails the UniSols back to their headquarters (a large truck that looks similiar to the 18 wheeler Knight Rider once battled against) and captures footage of an apparently dead Universal Soldier (GR76, played by bodybuilder Ralf Moeller, who was the unfortunate victim of the Van Damme split in Cyborg).....until he rises. Spotted by security cameras, she and her camera man are quickly subdued by the UniSols. GR13 (Lundgren) goes haywire and executes the camera man, and quickly triggers another flashback in GR44 (Van Damme)......let's take a quick step back. In Vietnam, Van Damme was Luc Deveraux (yes Van Damme has ties to the French Bayou to cover his accent....again), and Lundgren was Andrew Scott, his superior officer. Scott went mad, and began making a necklace out of human ears (the traditional jewelry of American soldiers back then), and executing innocent villagers. Van Damme protesting that the village was cleared, refuses to execute the last two survivors....Scott insisted, and executed the boy, Van Damme fought him, and they both killed each other. Back to present. GR44 seeing the similiarity to the situations, attacks GR13, and flees with the reporter.

Universal Soldier becomes a chase movie. The UniSols still under control pursue the now semi-lucid GR44 and reporter Wells. In their wake, they destroy hotels, supermarkets, gas stations, bars, restaurants, and liberally season the action with a blatant Van DAMN! Yes, old JCVD gives us a brutally long look at his tight glutes before collapsing into the arms of the reporter. Because all UniSols are lo-jacked to allow for easy tracking, GR44 must remove the homing beacon, by cutting it from his hamstring. Of course while looking for it, he must ask the reporter if having a penis is normal? Huh? He can remember Vietnam, but can't remember his own penis? That war really fucked our boy up.

GR44 eventually discovers the doctor who helped create him in Dr. Christopher Gregor (played by the late great Jerry Orbach) and learns that he is actually Luc Devereaux....French guy. GR13 and crew eventually track him down in their giant rig, but after a long highway chase, Devereaux manages to escape by running GR13 off of a cliff. Obviously safe (yeah right), Devereaux and Wells make their way back to the Bayou, where his mom and dad are still living. All seems well. Well....not for us. We know a movie with Dolph and Van Damme in it wouldn't be complete without a ridiculously long Bloodsport type hand to hand to battle. And complete it is not.

Because Devereaux happened to describe his family's farm in Louisiana down to the finest detail, GR13, who now realizes he is Andrew Scott is able to find his location with little difficulty. I wonder if Scott knows what his penis is all about? Scott of course has been consistantly injecting himself with the super strength cocktail, the Universal Soldier program was built on, and has increased his strength to Fletch like levels. He also carries a healthy supply of the serum which comes in monster sized syringes within his vest. During his final battle with Devereaux, he of course doses himself several times just to completely ensure his victory. Devereaux, while getting his ass kicked all over the farm, manages to free a syringe from Scott, and after being put through a wall, injects himself with the drug. Probably one of the finest lessons is on display at this moment in Universal Soldier. Drugs are good. Do drugs kids, they will make you stronger and solve all of your problems. This important fact is only outweighed by the general action movie lesson, that violence is always the answer.

Now, the match is even, and Devereaux turns the tide of this ridiculously long fight scene (probably one of the longest I've seen since the 'Put on the damn sunglasses' fight between Roddy Piper and Keith David in They Live...which for the record was outstanding) and impales Scott on a large combine. Scott however still alive tries to pull Devereaux's head onto one of the machine's large spikes......until Devereaux fires it up. The combine churns to life, and we have fresh ground Dolph! Nice!

Universal Soldier provides solid action, and a certainly satisfied fans that called for the union of these two action stars. I remember when we all pined for a Schwarzenegger and Stallone movie, but Hollywood just didn't have the budget....I bet they could pull it off now, but it would probably end up being called Grumpy Old Men 3: My liver hurts from Steroids. I digress. Dolph Lundgren also manages to pull off the Ironside Agenda in this one, although given the cast, aside from Orbach (who's part was borderline insignificant....much like the roles Fletch's brother Jim usually plays) wasn't very difficult to out act. Still, the Ironside Agenda is the Ironside Agenda, and Jean Claude Van Damme.....well he's no Dolph Lundgren. Dolph! Dolph!

Hamlin Grade: 6.5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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