"Yer alright LaRusso!"

Actually LaRusso, you are far from alright.

The Karate Kid is one of many movies that represents the popular 80's theme that young people should solve their problems through the use of violence. In fairness, The Karate Kid exemplifies this way of life.

Daniel LaRusso played by then popular Ralph Macchio (now he makes a career as a cameo actor) is a young high schooler who is ripped from his New Jersey roots and dragged across the country to sunny California. Days before the start of the new school year, LaRusso begins his stay by making enemies with John Lawrence and his pals, all of whom are star pupils of the Cobra Kai Martial Arts Training Facility owned and operated by the mentor of mentors John Kreese (played by Martin Kove of Rambo fame). Great idea by the way to send your angry adolescents to learn how to fight from an an even angrier Vietnam Vet. To make matters worse, LaRusso begins romancing a young Ali Mills (played by Elizabeth Shue, who's career also spiraled into irrelevance until she chose to display her breast in Leaving Las Vegas), the former love interest of John (Johnny) Lawrence, and completely solidifies his position of target for him and the Cobra Boys.

How does the young Daniel LaRusso decide to face his new found issues? Fighting of course. Unfortunately, LaRusso's New Jersey Karate (which he studied for arduous months at the local YMCA) is no match for the well oiled machine that is L.A. Karate. So he spends the first half of the movie getting his ass handed to him repeatedly....to which he responds by throwing his bike in a dumpster. Luckily his bike, and perhaps life is rescued by Mr. Miyagi (played by Pat Morita of Bloodsport 2: The Next Kumite).

Mr. Miyagi takes LaRusso on a journey through the martial arts for a couple of months, and manages to get the young boy to finish his landscaping, fencing, siding, and detailing all of his cars......while probably stealing some glances at the form of the sweat covered LaRusso. While reaping the rewards of LaRusso's labors, his work is not without lesson, as the continuos motions of his work have trained him to be a superb martial artist (this process takes a week, and much like many franchise martial arts schools would have them annointing you black belts). Throw in a few training montages cut to the soothing rythyms of Zamphir, master of the pan flute....and the blueberry crepe, and LaRusso is ready to face his nemesis Johnny Lawrence at the All Valley Under 18 Karate Championships, and win some respect. Is a month or two of training under the guide of a drunk superintendent from Okinawa enough to best the skills of an individual who has apparently trained his entire life. Yes.

Violence and LaRusso win out. Not only does he systematically defeat all of the Cobra Kai assholes, but he cuts a path to Lawrence in the finals, and by using one of the most ridiculously telegraphed moves in martial arts movie history defeats his opponent to win the tournament. The Karate Kid ends with a bloodied Johnny handing the trophy to LaRusso, and exclaiming 'Yer alright LaRusso!'. Yeah!

So what did we learn? Violence is the only way to solve your problems. It is possible to become a black belt karate champion in as little as 6 weeks just by washing cars. Zamphir truly is the master of the pan flute. Telling someone you are going to kick them in the face is a move which cannot be defended. Throw your bicycle in the trash and a drunk pedophile will teach you how to fight. The Karate Kid Part 4, The Next Karate Kid, actually stars multiple Oscar winner Hillary Swank (how's that for credibility Academy?, when does Jean Claude Van Damme get his?). And finally, Adrien Brody is an ugly fuck.

Hamlin Grade: 3

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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