Ahhhh, the 1980s....we celebrated our love affair of 3D movie making technology, dipped our toes across the pond into Australian culture, relished our hatred of the Soviet Union, and basked in the aura of a new found anti-hero. The Ninja. Unlike our brief relationship with the Aussie's, our love for these assassins from Japan never faultered....in fact, in many ways that love continues to grow.

In 1983, Sho Kosugi gave us Revenge of the Ninja. The second part of the then Ninja Trilogy (Enter the Ninja, and Ninja III: The Domination) was truly the masterpiece of this triumvirate. It showcases the skills of master martial artist Sho Kosugi (who really does fucking kick ass), and the apparell, skills, and weapons employed by the assassins of yesterday.

Revenge of the Ninja begins in Japan, where we see Cho Osaki (Kosugi), and his family enjoying a beautiful afternoon strolling their palatial estate. That is until Ninjas attack!!! Yes! For no apparent reason (which is the way of the ninja as you know), Ninja's by the truckload begin swarming from the forest, off the roofs, from the ponds, flying from the sky...Ninja's everywhere!! Unfortuanately for Cho, his entire family is massacred except for his newborn son Kane (played by Kane Kosugi, Shos son in real life....Sho and Kane are like the Japanese equivalent of the Stallones). Cho of course, exacts a small measure of revenge by killing all of the ninjas following the attack.....if only he had been available a few moments earlier....but then we wouldn't have a movie now would we? So the Osaki family is wiped out, except for Cho, Kane and the Grandmother and rather than stay on their sacred land, they flee to Los Angeles (L.A. Karate....so much better than Seattle Karate, see NRNS). California while being a non-smokers paradise, also has some very strict anti-ninja laws.....so the Osaki's destination of choice is perfect.

With the help of his friend Braden, Cho opens up a Japanese Gallery that showcases antique dolls in L.A. Little does Cho know, that his friend Braden hides a deadly secret (No fucking shit Pat, it's a secret, of course he's hiding it, damn I'm an idiot). Using Cho, and his dolls, Braden is smuggling heroin into the United States for his Japanese connections to the mafia led by Mob Boss Chifano.

Braden however while backstabbing his friend Cho, is likewise being assfucked by Chifano, and his henchmen steal the heroin filled dolls from him. Braden's real deadly secret, more deadly than the earlier, hidden, deadly secret, is that he himself is a Ninja. HUH? An American Ninja? That would never work. But Ninja he is. Braden lived in Japan for 20 years as Cho later informs us, and 20 years is roughly the amount of time it would take to become a Ninja...unless you goto Tiger Schulman's Karate and pay him $500 he can turn you into a Ninja by next Wednesday.

Braden obviously pissed off, dons his ninja gear and goes out on the town....his mission...kill everyone in Chifano's mob family....henchmen, relatives, pets, etc. Braden's ninja costume has a unique twist however. A shiny siver mask. The mask is of course is to hid the identity of Sho Kosugi who actually performs all of the stunts of the ninjas in this movie....very clever!

While Braden is off killing everyone, Cho walks into the gallery as it is being robbed by Chifano's henchmen.....one of whom is dressed like a Native American and wields a tomahawk. It's easily a 4 on 1 fight scene that starts behind the gallery, and continues in a van down an expressway, till Cho is finally tossed to the curb, bloody and bruised...but far from beaten. Cho returns to the gallery to find that his mother, has been slain by Braden (as the evil ninja, and she actually put up a decent fight against him considering her age), and although he promised he would never be a ninja again, he is left with little choice. So.....a little meditation, some incense, BAM...it's Ninja time!

Braden and Cho meet at the top of an L.A. skyscraper (the headquarters of the Chifano crime family), and battle on the rooftop tennis court. Revenge of the Ninja spares no opportunity to showcase every ninja weapon possible....throwing stars, blow guns, swords, exploding smoke bombs, harsh language, and a host of other weapons I've never heard of....but were all available through mail order catalogs when I was a kid. The end battle sequence is truly spectacular, and probably one of the best hand to hand combat sequences I've seen since Brokeback Mountain. The story is simple, the acting is average at best, the action...priceless.

Hamlin Grade: 6

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat