"You're the one, I feel good to come home to!"

One of life's obvious flaws is that time keeps slipping into the future. (Yes i'm a Steve Miller fan!) however I found the one thing that actually slows the axis of time down and time goes so slowly that you already feel arthitis set in after you're done watching this garbage. Garbage which is yet another clunker from the resume of Albert F. Pyun.

Pyun's movies fall in two categories. Either guilty pleasure bad or just godawfully unwatchable. Brain Smasher...A Love Story is one of Pyun's most tragic efforts, a movie so tragic in its casting it has Andrew Dice Clay as an action hero fighting warrior monks who are looking for a magic flower which gives them superpowers. Somehow this isn't the most ridiculous movie that Pyun has made, because in 1986 Pyun made Radioactive Dreams a post apoclypse comedy with John Stockwell and Michael Dudikoff(!) as sleuth novel private eyes taking on mutant hippies, an army of midgets who unleashed F-bombs a lot and frog people. It was terrible but somehow slightly better than Brain Smasher...A Love Story.

What Brain Smasher...A Love Story shares in common with the forementioned Radioactive Dreams is that it is also Pyun's (disasterous) stab at comedy. While Pyun gave us plenty of laughs in 1989's Cyborg, Pyun seems completely out of his element when trying to deliver intentional laughs. There are of course some so stupid it's kinda funny moments but typically we just sit there and gawk at the retarded idea to cast Andrew Dice Clay as an action star.

Teri Hatcher is also aboard, back when she was actually hot. Which brings me to the next point, how are we supposed to believe that Teri Hatcher (or any mildly attractive chick for that matter) could end up with the Diceman? That's like me getting a threesome with two supermodels after a showering strike. Plus the Diceman is noticably pot bellied, indeed is there anyone out there that would believe that Andrew Dice Clay could beat martial arts experts? The man looks as if he will have a heart attack everytime he throws a punch.

Also as a former state kickboxing champion myself, I have to bring up the credibility among the fight sequences, or as such the lack of it. The action sequences consist of a couple of bitchslaps and maybe a couple of guys getting pelted in the nuts. Is this what the virtue of martial arts has been reduced to? I myself was shocked just how much the warrior monk leader (Played by none other than Yuji "Karate Kid II" Okumoto) can catch bullets and fling them back at the shooter, but he can't even hold his own in a fight against a supermodel or pudgy bouncer? Wow.

The worst part of this movie (and seriously this says part says a lot) is the completely unfunny script which sets up dreadful would be comic setpieces and then botches beyond recognition. Even worse is that they repeat the jokes over and over again, so it's like watching a later Police Academy movie, which is sadly probably funnier than this. This is a comedy so bad, that one has the sneaking suspicion that it was originally written as an action flick made to star Sasha Mitchell (Hands down Pyun's biggest star post-Van Damme, pre-Rutger Hauer) but probably declined to do the noticably similar Kickboxer 3! (All of which will be reviewed by yours truly!) Also for some reason this was popular when I was a teenager, as it was on Cinemax everyday in the summer after I started middle school. It stands to reason, this movie is somehow worse than I remembered.

Why am I giving it one hamlin? The title is one of the best out there. I mean Brain Smasher...A Love Story, gives me goosebumps as it sounds like a documentary made about trailerpark couples.

Hamlin Grade:1

Ryan