While browsing through movies to purchase I ran across one I had not seen since Milli Vanilli last topped the pop charts; The January Man. As you might guess, my bad movie collection is, what some would call, impressive. Others would simply find it appalling. Once in a while, however, I treat myself to a good movie, and I recalled The January Man falling into that category. After reading the all star line up of Kevin Kline, Susan Sarandon, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and Harvey Keitel, I bought it without giving it another thought.

Well, I'm reviewing it for my fellow Knights which means my memory is not so bueno. The January Man is a mystery thriller set in the big apple. Unfortunately, there is no real mystery to solve and this film is anything but thrilling. Kline gives perhaps his worst performance as Nick Starkey, an eccentric cop who has a knack for catching serial killers. Kline's attempt at a New York accent rivals Costner's work in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. God I Hate Costner! Keitel's portrayal of Starkey's brother, the Commissioner of police, possesses less flavor then Wonder Bread. Apparently there is no love lost between these two, and Sarandon completes the wicked triangle. Hold on, a second triangle of lust is created by Mastrantonio! Saucy!! Saucy!! As hot as this may sound, there is no chemistry between the players involved and the relationships fail to add anything to the overall storyline. When all is said and done, these romances will just have you asking why? In the name of Kevin Costner, why?

The brighter performances are provided in the smaller roles. Rod Steiger plays the Mayor like some drunken sailor who's mastery of foul language is only outdone by Danny Aiello. It seems like Danny's soul purpose is to shout curse words for our amusement. Alan Rickman is solid as usual playing Starkey's sidekick. So how is it that all of these talented thespians have gathered together to create such mediocrity? It reminds me of the Untouchables except I can not blame the evil force that is Costner. Costner!!! This movie is bad, but it's not bad enough to be great. Having said that, I can't help but enjoy this middle of the road quirky character piece. Guilty pleasure I suppose.

Hamlin Grade: 3

Fletch is a killing word!