HULK SMASH! Not in this film he doesn't. No, why make an action film out of a character built on destruction when you can instead overdevelop an unecessary backstory about a young boy who grew up in an abusive household. Great idea.

Ang Lee, the director of Brokeback Mountain , in his first foray with a comic book based feature failed miserably. Trying to show an emotionally damaged man who becomes a monster (with the help of some genetic mutations through nano-technology, apparently because radiation is TOO dated) he leaves us gasping and gawking as to why? The Hulk doesn't even appear on the screen until an hour has passed and by the time he does.....who cares. Really? The only decent scene in this film, is when the Hulk breaks out of an underground military base and goes on a rampage....albeit a very brief one, that again doesn't occur till the end of the film. He throws tanks, catches rockets, takes down helicopters and jumps across the desert miles at a time. That concludes the only cool part of the film, which amounts to a whopping 5 minutes (and I'm being really fucking generous on that time estimate).

Ang should have taken a page from the old 70's TV show, and had Eric Bana (the dude who played Banner) hanging a picture on a wall, strike his thumb accidentally with his tack hammer, Hulk-Out and destroy a couple of cities......and maybe Gloucester, Massachussetts. That would have been it. That's all you need. It's the Hulk for love of Fletch! You could have used Nick Nolte (who was completely useless in this feature) as the first casualty.

The Hulk sucked big green ass. Plain and simple. Aside from the action sequence I mention above, there is no reason to submit yourself to this torture. Use the scene selection menu, and skip ahead and enjoy. I assure you will miss nothing before, and if you shut it off when he transforms back into Banner, you will have yourself a splendid viewing experience. If you don't listen to me, and watch the entire film, you will only end up hating yourself, and me.....because I am always right.

Hamlin Grade: .5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat