Raw Deal. Watching this movie will give you raw eyes, and possibly a raw ass.... it's kind of like living Fletch for a week....or perhaps a long weekend.

I'm all for suspending disbelief when it comes to movies, but Schwarzenegger, infiltrating the Mafia by becoming one of them, in an effort to take them down, and then get reinstated into the FBI? First, what mob is going to welcome in a giant Austrian man who wants to be a 'GuuDE Fell-UH' without thinking twice about it?

Why the Patrovina family of course!

Schwarzenegger stars as Mark Kaminsky, a former FBI agent who was tossed out of the Bureau for being a little too 'hands on' with a suspect, finds himself a nice little sheriff's position in a small town in the Carolinas. Ok first flaw.....what FBI agent doesn't give a suspect the back room treatment with a telephone book and a frayed electrical cord? And get tossed out? They are revered for that shit. Hell, I'm sure there are guys who's specialty is stripping individuals of their fingernails and filing down their teeth with a wood rasp......again, the premise of Kaminsky's fall from grace is total bullshit. Ok problem two, the movie opens with Sheriff Kaminsky in pursuit of a BMX riding criminal. How does he stop this assailant? By setting the highway on fire with some high octane deisel and a cuban cigar of course. Now in North Carolina, it's ok to burn the living shit out a criminal before their arrest, but roughing up a suspect in the FBI.....that's a big NO NO.

So we have Kaminsky, living an unfulfilled life in the backwoods of rural America, with his drunk off her ass wife Amy (played by Blanche Baker, the older sister from Sixteen Candles), who enjoys throwing chocolate cakes at her him....he has fully fallen from grace. Until his buddy and former FBI pal Chief Harry Shannon approaches him with a proposition (not that kind Fletch). Shannon's son Blair was killed while undercover (and with a name like Blair, it was probably a favor) by the Patrovina family. Shannon goes outside the Bureau, and finances Kaminsky with his own money, and a new identity to infiltrate the Patrovina family, and take them down. Kaminksy's new identity. Joey Brenner. JOEY FUCKING BRENNER!

So as Brenner, he begins by hitting some of Patrovina's competition by trashing another family's underground casino / hooch parlor by driving a bull dozer through it. Getting Patrovina's attention, he is immediately welcomed aboard. 'Hello my name is JO-EEEE Bren-UH'! Who wouldn't trust him? As a member of the family, he is now able to gather evidence and routinely meet Shannon at a safe house to deliver intel and photos on his new crew.

All is going well, Brenner is slowly gaining the confidence of the family, until they bring Brenner on a hit, to take down a cop that's been asking too many questions. The target turns out to be Kaminsky's / Brenner's friend and confidant Shannon. Realizing his friend is in danger, Brenner blows his cover and takes down the hit team, as they open fire on Shannon. Brenner kills everyone, but Shannon is shot several times, and lays mortally wounded. This of course sets Brenner off, and rather than use legal means to take down Patrovina, he embarks on a one man spree of vengeance. Que the convertible Cadillac, and the Rolling Stones 'Satisfaction' cassette tape and lets drive on out to the rocky quarry to kill the bad guys with high powered rifles that never require reloading. After quickly dispatching the Construction Crew of the Patrovina family, Brenner drives on over the to the Night Club Crew of the Patrovina family (where Patrovina himself is chilling). GUNS, GUNS, GUNS! Brenner in another Schwarzenegger style scene blows away everyone, including some top shelf liquor (to which Fletcher still loses sleep over) and takes down the Patrovina family.

Raw Deal ends with Kaminsky visiting his buddy Shannon who can't walk because several of the bullets damaged his spine. Kaminsky, always the supportive friend, throws Shannon out of his wheel chair, calls him a pussy, in so many words, and tells him to walk it off. Take a guess what happens. Medical mal-practice and further damage to this individual's spine? Of course not! Shannon walks, as his nurse looks on in tears, and Kaminsky gives him a purely heterosexual embrace. Raw Deal, is probably one of Schwarzenegger's more forgettable movies (not including Red Sonja, Twins, Junior, and Jingle All the Way....holy shit was that bad), and while it is tedious at many parts, does have some classic action in parts..... it's biggest downfall, is that he tries to hard to act, has way too many lines, and really.....Ah-NULD as a gangsta? Gimme a fucking break.

Hamlin Grade: 2

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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