1987 Tri-Star Pictures pre-production meeting

X: Alright we have Arnold on board for our next project, but I'd like to do something a little different with our star...
Z: (under breath) Like send him to some acting classes.
X: ...so lets brainstorm and throw out whatever comes to mind.
Z: (under breath) Oh no, here we go.
Y: Let's put that huge bod of his to use and make him a wrestler and have it like Rocky! You know, he's the underdog and overcomes his fears to become a champion. An oiled- up leather- boot, Speedo-wearing champion. Mm mm hmmmm delish.
Z: My god, have you ever seen Schwarzenegger?! Who's going to believe this guy is an underdog wrestler?
X: That's a good point Z, but I love the enthusiasm coming from you Y. Let's keep going.
Y: Okay, did you guys see that movie Dirty Dancing? I just loved it! We could like, do something like that, just add Arnold and we've got a hit.
Z: (under breath) Loaded gun please.
X: Speak up Z.
Z: I was just thinking how much I love Y's idea. We'll have Arnold play the shy foreigner while Liza Minnelli pulls him out of his shell through the gift of dance. Wait, better yet scratch Liza, we'll get Danny Terrio, he'll seduce Arnie with the Lambada. Christ why not make it a comedy?
X: A comedy! Now we're talking. But I need to reel you kids in. All this dancing business isn't going to fly. Let's try an action comedy, I don't want to get too crazy.
Z: (under breath) God forbid we do anything original.
X: You wanted to add something Z?
Z: Original...let's do something original, like...a buddy cop movie.
X: I like, go on.
Y: Let's team Arnold with someone funny...
Z: Yeah...that would be good for oh, say a comedy
Y: ..Right! Did you see About Last Night? Jim Belushi was hysterical.
Z: That will be great, he's just like his brother without the talent or the comedy.
X: I don't see getting Mr. Belushi on this project as a problem.
Z: I'm sure he'll be available.
X: Alright, Belushi and Schwarzenegger. Now how do we team this unlikely duo up?
Y: I'm seeing like a bath house in some eastern block country, you know they are so free with nudity, and out of the steam comes Arnold. He's there to make a bust, pectorals glistening, firm...
Z: Okay, that's enough! He's a cop from the Soviet Union who has come to the US, let's say Chicago, to track down the leader of a drug syndicate. There he teams up with Belushi and at first they hate each other. We'll give Arnold a 6 inch flat-top and dress him up in a green suit, now that's comedy.
X: That does sound funny.
Z: Sure, we'll even have Belushi call him Gumby, the kid's will love it. Soon the two learn to hate the police captain more then each other, and that is when the action will get turned up a notch. We'll get some hot young dancer like Gina Gershon for the sole reason of having a woman for the fellas to look at. We'll bring her in and as soon as we start to develop her character, we'll kill her off.
X: That is brilliant.
Z: I knew you'd love that. The whole movie will be a metaphor showing how Glasnost can work. Russian cop meets American cop, both put aside there differences to fight the evil powers of drug trafficking while cracking one liners. It will be terrible!
X: Once again Mr. Z, you have bagged the elephant! I'll have our writers start right away.
Z: (under breath) Do these people even listen to what I'm saying?

Hamlin Grade: 2 .5

Fletch is a killing word!