I love Jennifer Tilly. Much like a children's drawing that can't stay within the lines, she's a mess of a woman, spilling out everywhere. She's got big ta-tas that somehow just aren't enticing, a fat ass that manages to be just a bit too big for any costume she's wearing, and a waistline that's just not corset-able. She's juicy and just a bit over-ripe. But beyond all of that, she's a bad actor. Not only that, she knows she's a bad actor. To her credit, however, she has not only accepted that fate, she seems to revel in it. It's as if she said to herself, "Self, you're just a bad actor, but don't settle for being just any bad actor, be the best bad actor you can be." And, quite frankly, that makes her smarter than ninety percent of the actors in Hollywood.

Thus it was that I viewed Bride of Chucky after a long list of other horror movies I was going to be watching. I saved it for last in hope that it was going to be good bad, the fine dessert after a bad meal. Well my friends, I had that bad meal and the dessert that is Bride of Chucky made me wish I had never gone out to eat. Bride of Chucky sucks. It sucks so bad that it makes the worst mistake a horror movie can make, it isn't even the least bit frightening.

Now I know what you're saying, “How can a movie about a doll be frightening?” To which I respond, take a look at Magic or the premier of this series, Child's Play, both of which had at least a little creep factor going on. Or even go back to the genesis of all doll horror flicks, "The Dummy", perhaps the creepiest of all Twilight Zone episodes. There's creep factor to be had, but instead, the producers of Bride of Chucky went for camp. As a result, all we get is punny humor, and it's neither funny nor scary.

But let’s get you caught up. In the original movie, Charles Lee Ray (played by Brad Dourif) is gunned down, but just before he expires he transfers his soul via voodoo into a Good-Guy doll, vowing to come back and exact his revenge. Well, it's ten years later and looks like he's going to get a third shot. Let's meet Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly), the girlfriend from way back that we haven't learned of until now. Seems she's been carrying a torch for Charlie this whole time while living in a trailer park and wants to bring him back so that they can get hitched. But first she's gotta find him.

Chucky's been though a lot. He got all blowed up the last time he was about and he's been stuffed in a bag, rotting away in police storage. Tiffany gets a corrupt cop to steal said bag and meet her in a deserted warehouse late at night. What could possibly go wrong there? And then Tiffany comes strutting in, tits and ass falling out everywhere. But sex is not in the future of our stupid cop, only a cut throat. And for those first three minutes or so I believe I'm going to have fun watching this movie, but that's impossible as everyone in this movie is a complete and utter moron. Even our likeable teen heroes are morons and I just want them all to die as quickly as possible.

Bright spots? Few and far in-between. Seems Tiffany has an uber-Goth/Satanist would-be boyfriend just dying for the chance to get some Tilly loving. A Goth getting humiliated and killed? Outstanding! We've got John Ritter as an overprotective uncle/cop. Can't wait for him to die and he does so with a face full of nails. Would have been more amusing had there only been nine of them. And we get doll sex. Yes, doll sex. The only bare ass you're going to get in this movie is a plastic one. It's actually kind of disturbing.

The moral of this story; if your life is so messed up already that you’re living in a trailer park with an uber-Goth/Satanist, don’t go messing with voodoo.

Hamlin Grade: 2

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