This month a Friday does fall on the 13th, so I thought it would be a good idea to review a few of the ten movies that feature the on going self-exploration and efforts of one Jason Voorhees. I feel that the franchise this movie spawned is important to the horror genre. And yet when I first sat down to write a review of this classic , I had to be honest with myself; this is not a good movie. Yes, Friday the 13th laid the groundwork for one of horror's most recognizable icons and helped firmly establish the rules of horror, but let's face it, this wasn't groundbreaking by any means. If you want originality I suggest you watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween. So let us just enjoy Friday the 13th for what it is, a good bad movie.

The original Friday the 13th introduces the world to Crystal Lake and would forever scare the hell out of camp counselors. Fresh air, a resplendent lake surrounded by a picturesque forest, on first glance this all appears to be the perfect place to spend a summer, molding the minds of young children. It could also be the perfect setting to have your throat slit open, your skull cleaved by an axe, or your body used as target practice in the archery range. Camp Crystal Lake has been closed for some twenty years due to a couple of unsolved murders. The kids that take on the task of it's grand re-opening are clueless to the camps sorted past. The new owner, Steve Christy doesn't think it necessary to tell them about it either. He's more interested in working shirtless around young female counselors with his jean cut offs and red bandanna. I will be awarding him a Hamlin for his creepy pick-up attempt of Alison. "You draw very well . . . you're very talented and very pretty." These lines are delivered as he slowly caresses her cheek. Dirty. An Ironside Agenda is awarded to Officer Dorf (Ron Millkie) who shows up looking for the local town Crazy Ralph. His two minutes of camera time are comedy gold. "Can it Cochise . . . you smoke? You look like you just got off a spaceship. You know the Colombian gold man. Grass, hash, the weed dig it." Yeah, I dig it! This guy is a total ham! "We ain't going to stand for no weirdness around here." The very next scene we meet Crazy Ralph who is the embodiment of all those strange old men in Scoobie Doo telling those kids in the Mystery Machine, "You're all doomed!" This shameless caricature scores a Hamlin!

Now that we've got the introduction of locals out of the way, let's begin the slow systematical butchering of counselors shall we? Oh, I forgot to mention we have already had our first victim. A female counselor who was hitching a ride to the camp. Note to self; once you hear the kill music in the background exit hitchhiking vehicle. Once exiting the vehicle and entering the woods, continue to run as silently as possible, screaming will only make it easier to track down and kill your hysterical ass. Finally, you might want to put up a fight instead of pleading with a person brandishing a hunting knife. Okay, now let's get back to picking off these innocent teenagers. Well, innocent until they engage in pre-marital sex! Sinners!

The first person to pay the price for exchanging bodily fluids is Jack played by Kevin Bacon. Now we all know the game six degrees of Kevin Bacon and I would suggest to you not to use this movie as a conduit because his is the only career which survives this movie. Mr. Bacon goes out like a champ in one of my favorite killings in the franchise. Just after spraying his man web Jack lies back in bead to reflect on his latest sexual conquest as we all do. You ever get that feeling that something is under your bed with a knife? Knife through the mattress into the back of the neck and out the trachea! Nice! Needless to say everyone gets taken out in creative ways until there is only one, Alice. At this point, Mrs. Voorhees arrives with her light blue sweater, too much eye liner and grinning from ear to ear. She seems friendly. Here's the SPOILER kids; what is really weak about Friday the 13th is director Sean S. Cunningham sets the whole film up so it appears that you may be able to figure out which one of the players could be the murderer and then this crazy bitch drives up! Who the hell is this? The only reason I forgive this is Betsy Palmer who plays Mrs. Voorhees, is oh, how should I put it . . . a psycho! I don't even think she's acting!

If you haven't seen Friday the 13th in years, it might be fun to see what used to scare you. Pretty tame by today's standards in terms of gore, although it's slow tempo and lack of lighting creates more of a disturbing mood then the abundance of blood and slick effects we find today. If you've never seen it, call up some friends and place bets on camp counselors and enjoy a bad horror movie classic.

Hamlin Grade: 5

Fletch is a killing word!