What do you get when you cross an arrogant asshole rockstar, a former piece of ass turned Jenny Craig fat farm experiment, and the finest moustache man-kind has ever seen? Runaway! No this is not a recommendation to flee in terror, Runaway is in fact the title of this Casting Directors dream project.

Set in the future, Runaway stars the versatile Tom Selleck as Sgt. Jack Ramsey, head of the Runaway Task Force for the Police Department. This Division is tasked with locating and disabling 'runaway' robots....robots who have malfunctioned and gone berserk. Utilizing state of the art body armor, and simple hand held phasers, Ramsey and his new partner Officer Karen Thompson (played by Cynthia Rhodes of Dirty Dancing and Staying Alive fame) take on these mechanical perpetrators.

Ramsey and his partner arrive at a crime in progress where a robot has gone mad, acquired a gun, and began shooting up the family which it was serving. Ramsey enters the premises to save the baby which is still alive in the back bedroom. Utilizing his high tech equipment, and the most breathtaking facial hair on the planet (present day or in the future), he fells the robot with several well placed laser blasts. Little does Ramsey know, that he has stumbled onto a much larger conspiracy.

Enter Dr. Charles Luther, played by Gene Simmons of KISS. Luther is a maniacal genius, with a highly technical background. Enlisting some geeks, he produces a high tech computer chip, that when implanted into any ordinary robot, will cause the machine to behave in a less than benevolent manner especially towards humans. Once the chips are complete, he offs his computer savvy partners so he may reap the benefits alone.

After some clever detective work, and handome moustache styling, Ramsey is lead to a high rise building where a runaway sentry robot has trapped a young lady by the name of Jackie Rogers (played by the then hot Kirstie Alley). Ramsey using his myriad of skills, quickly disables the sentry with a well placed office chair to its head (this also upsets the human security guard very much, who almost shares the same grief the Rancor Keeper did in Return of the Jedi, after Luke dispatched his giant pet). Ramsey begins to help Ms. Rogers up, when her purse spills open and reveals a bevy of computer chips, along with the templates to make more. More than enough to bring young Jackie down to the station for an all inclusive strip search!

Ms. Rogers reluctantly begins to hemorrage the details of her boyfriend, Luther's plans. This of course brings all involved into the crosshairs of the very angry Luther. Luther throws an arsenal of high tech robots and gadgetry at Ramsey and is beautifully sculpted lip mullet, which included heat seeking bullets, high speed parkway enabled car bombs, acid spitting mechanical spiders, and of course some of the most memorable bad guy lines ever displayed on screen, conveniently listed for you below:

"Drop the gun Asshole."

"You're probably wondering how I did that?"

"You're right Ramsey, I've tapped into the video cameras!"

"That wasn't very nice Ramsey!"

Now earlier in the movie, when we first meet Ramsey, his introductory mission along with his new partner, requires a helicopter ride to a farm. We discover that Ramsey has vertigo and is deathly afraid of heights. At the time this seems inconsequential, however, little did we know that Ramsey would have to face off against Luther on top of an uncompleted skyscraper in an effort to save his kidnapped son (I didn't mention this kid earlier, because he is an annoying little douche throughout the feature, but thankfully his career was stopped cold in 1996 and is hopefully laying in an abandoned building surrounded by his own feces right now). Ramsey manages to overcome his fear of heights and subdue the evil Luther through some acrobatic construction elevator fighting and then toss him to the street below where he is dispatched by his own acid throwing spiders.

There is the possibility of another Bad Movie Knights Glossary term here. Like many evil doers, who appear dead after the hero has been taken them down, Luther rises to shock us all! In his case he does nothing more than give us a look at something he might do on stage at a KISS concert, where many bad guys would rise for round 2 or 3, even with massive amounts trauma......but nonetheless, this is a cinematic device often used in the realm of the bad movie, and one which I think needs a monicker. I propose we call it the "Runaway", unless someone comes up with something better.

Runaway overall is a bad movie, with great some great effects, moderately bad acting, a seasoning of uneccessary breasts, and as I said earlier, some of the most memorable one-liners in Hollywood....many of which are the mainstay of our very own Bad Move Night extravaganzas. Until then...make yours Runaway!

Hamlin Grade: 6

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