It's Wednesday, and unless you are a complete moron, or Fletch, you may have noticed a theme developing over the last few reviews. If you haven't figured it out at this point.....we are balls deep in Seagal........week. The Knights of the Bad Movie have decided to tackle the films of one of Hollywood's most versatile and accomplished actors....Steven Seagal. Rather than continue chronologically through Seagal's resume, I thought we would jump forward and explore some of Seagal's more recent work..... Exit Wounds.

In 2001, Exit Wounds marked the last time Seagal would appear on the big screen (at least in the U.S., as the rest of his films went direct to video or dvd). His stock was apparently dropping following the turn of the century so rather than carry the weight of the film on his shoulders he shared the burden with recording artist DMX. Exit Wounds also boasts an impressive supporting cast (for a Seagal picture) that includes Michael Jai White (the gentleman who played Spawn), Jill Hennessy (of television's Crossing Jordan fame, and of course Komodo), Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson (who while being one of the funniest guys I've seen around lately, has quited possibly starred in more movies in the last 5 years than Ben Stiller, and at the same time, managed to prevent himself from being Stillered), and of course Bruce McGill (one of Animal House's stars, Daniel 'D-Day' Simpson Day...who would have thought that he and Kevin Bacon would be the only actors to go onto successful movie careers after this classic?).

Exit Wounds begins by painting Seagal's character Orin Boyd, as the typical rogue cop who doesn't get along with his superiors. While being a thorn in the side of his chief however, he does get results and is extremely resourceful. Boyd, arrives at the opening of the film to a speech being given by the Vice President of the United States who is promoting a stronger stance on gun control. Boyd, typical of his 'rogueness' arrives late much to the disdain of his chiefs, and catches the tail end of the speech. However on entering the audience area he does notice suspicious behavior being displayed by a few of the cops who are part of the V.P.'s motorcade. One of them is sporting an earring! Classic bad guy calling card! Earrings = Evil!

Being the tough rogue cop that he is, Boyd trails the motorcade which is eventually intercepted by a helicopter sporting some hefty artillery, which provides support to the imposter motorcycle cops who were part of the motorcade. Their objective is to kill the Vice President because he threatens to take away their fire arms through tougher legislation. Boyd arrives on the scene with a 9 millimeter (that has limitless ammo) and begins firing away at bad guys, depositing a minimum of 3 to 4 bullets within each. He commandeers a Chinese delivery truck and mows down one bad guy, which would have been a really sweet shot had the mannequin used in the cut not fallen apart as it hit the curb. Using another fake cop as a shield to protect himself and the V.P., Boyd kills his final adversary, and then turns his attention to the gun toting chopper. The sound effects guy really messed up in this scene because Boyd is firing a pistol, but the sound coming from it, was a fully automatic uzi, or mach 10, and the rate of fire was ridiculous. I'm sure Fletch has a buddy who specializes in weapons and combat tactics (to go along with his shark expert, and mountain climbing guru) that will say I'm wrong and that this is completely normal....to which I can only say, good call sir, thank you for pointing out my errors (if the guy knows about guns and hand to hand combat he would certainly fuck me up), and the next time we meet I would like to purchase all of your beers. After firing 50 rounds from his gun that can only hold 16 (15 in the clip, 1 in the pipe), we cut to a close up of bullets piercing a piece of sheet metal, followed by a marvelously detailed remote control helicopter exploding! No expense spared here.

After saving the Vice President, you would expect Office Boyd to be showered with awards and accolades, however this is just not to be. His chief and captain were upset about the way he handled the situation (of course because he's too violent) and try to fire him. Thanks to excellent union representation, the best they can do is transfer him to the 15th Precinct, located in the shittiest part of Detroit (funny I thought all of Detroit was the shittiest part of Detroit). Ummm assholes he saved the fucking Vice President of the United States from being assassinated! The whole premise of this movie is bullshit. Any cop doing what he did, would have been set for life! Ok so we must, as usual suspend disbelief, and follow this trail of tears story along with our hero Boyd.

Along with his transfer, he is also rewarded by being forced to attend anger management classes where he meets TV personality Henry Wayne (played by Tom Arnold), who later becomes Boyd's intelligence gatherer through his network of unnamed sources. Boyd, being the rogue bad ass cop that he is, begins to suspect there is a certain level of corruption hidden within the walls of the 15th Precinct, and begins his one man assault in search of truth, justice and arms broken at the elbow.

While Boyd has fallen on hard times, a young entrepreneur named Latrell Walker (played by DMX) is hitting full stride. Purchasing a brand new Lamborghini (or it could have been a ferrari, either way this car is sweet and I'm sure Tom Selleck would love to use it to run down Higgins and his two annoying dogs), Walker is in the midst of setting up a monster drug deal. He is so well financed that he has managed to purchase a few cops within the 15th Precinct....so Boyd's suspicions are based on some truth.

On his way home from anger management, after tooling on a group of thugs trying to boost his truck, Boyd spots T.K. Johnson (played by Anthony Anderson) spying on a building with a pair of binoculars and moves in. T.K. being the right hand man of Walker, immediately announces the presence of the police, and within the building Walker and his counterpart, cease their drug deal, and begin to flee...not before Boyd can get in there and lay a little sweet aikido on their asses however! Boyd faces off against Walker and the kid manages to hold his own against the martials arts expert with a combination of creative acrobatics and street fighting skills. Walker however does manage to escape, but Boyd is able to subdue the other gentleman involved in the deal. Much to Boyd's embarrassment he discovers that this man was an undercover cop named Matt Montini trying to make a drug bust.

Once again Officer Boyd has to eat a big fat shit sandwich, and this time he gets to enjoy it from the view of a traffic cop.....whistle, white gloves and all. Man does this guys life suck rabid donkey ass! I think if he had killed the Vice President his life wouldn't have been as bas as this!

The humiliation isn't finished by a long shot. Returning from his street corner management duties, he arrives in the Precinct Locker room to find the troops playing their own version of the TV show Jackass. Actually I think this show would be called Asshole. Taking turns, the cops play the who has the biggest cock game by tazing each other with a ....simple ....hand....tazer. Mortini and some jacked up Norwegian call Boyd out to try their reindeer games, but he declines. After some coaxing, Boyd agrees to be tazed at the same level as the Scandanavian, yet unbeknownst to him, the large man sets the tazer to full power. Boyd manages to handle the blast for a few moments before dropping to his knees. He recovers and beats the ass out of the giant. Before the fight can escalate further, Officer Lewis Strutt (played by Michael Jai White) breaks up the altercation. Strutt, welcomes Boyd, and explains that the new guys alway get hazed.....Hazing by Tazing! Great!

Redemption however is at hand. Boyd stumbles upon a heroin heist, at a facility used to store evidence and helps rescue several hostages. After viewing the security tapes he suspects the job was perpetrated by insiders and convinces his new Captain Annette Mulcahy (played by Jill Hennessy) to bump him up to patrol. He is united with his new partner George Clark and they begin to investigate Walker and T.K. through some good old fashion foot work, and through the intelligence connections of his TV and anger management buddy Henry Wayne. They make a startling discovery about Walker. Much like a Transformer, there is more than meets the eye! OK, total geek-check there, but more than appropriate! Latrell Walker is in fact a billionaire, and a computer programming genius, and a beneficiary of the dot.com era prior to it's demise. Walker also takes time to visit a local jail to spend time with Shaun Rollins, who it turns out is Walker's brother.

Boyd looking for answers, confronts Walker after an attempt is made on his life by the 15th Precinct's finest. Boyd and Walker throw down again, and once again Walker manages to hold his own. I have to give credit to Seagal, and the filmmakers here. This is the first time Seagal has ever faced off against an opponent that could actually provide him with a fight. Most of Seagal's counterparts, even the main bad guys at the end, offer up little to no resistance (Mabel King fighting Fletch scenario) thus leaving us unsatisfied. True, in an actual fight, Seagal would probably wear DMX's ass as a hat, but it was nice to see one of Seagal's characters actually have to break a sweat. After a few brief exchanges, Walker stops the fight and decides to explain to Boyd what he is all about. His operation is not about drug running, but rather the collection of video evidence of dirty cops. He is building a case to free his brother Shaun who was framed by the dirty cops on a fake drug charge. Walker has used his high tech computer skills to collect the video and plans to not only deliver it to the police, but broadcast the feed over the internet! Porn without the payoff! Sweeet!

Boyd views the current footage and sees Strutt, Mortini, and even the giant Norwegian all engaged in extra-curricular activities that are anything but legal. Boyd accompanies Walker to the drug buy he had previously setup with Strutt and they prepare to drop the hammer on them. Fortuanately for us, Seagal again has to face off against an adversary that is on par with him physically and perhaps as experienced a fighter in Strutt. They have an excellent battle though a garment factory, while silmultaneously Walker throws down with Mortini. Walker and Boyd both prove equal to the task by impaling their opponents on metal objects. Mortini throught the throat with a giants sewing needle, and Strutt threw the back on top of a Chimney pipe. Nice work and excellent balance gentlemen!

By saving the day, Boyd's former chief offers him a transfer back to his old department, and a blow job (just kidding about the blow job, but I still think it was implied in the body language), and he also free's Walker's brother from prison. Yes! Everyone is happy, so let's bust into a DMX tune shall we?

Exit Wounds is a bittersweet end to the big screen career of Seagal, who after this movie has since gone on a direct to dvd rampage the likes of which no one has ever seen. In Exit Wounds I think Seagal was actually beginning to swallow his pride and share center stage some more. Granted he took a supporting role in Executive Decision, which I still think was a good move for him, but it didn't really pay dividends....not at the level he was expecting anyway. The most important thing he was adressing was one of the biggest flaws in all of his movies. He was creating adversaries that would be worthy of fighting him, and getting away from this 'Superman' complex of his (let's be honest, all of the Superman movies blew ass, except for Superman 2.....why? Because he fought three people capable of killing him.....rather than a bald dude and a short fat guy who once spent time getting raped on the banks of a river) that allowed the fights to be more balanced and less one sided. Too little too late? Perhaps, but I still have stack of direct to dvd Seagal flicks to go through.....so maybe a lesson was learned? Who the fuck am I kidding?

Hamlin Grade: 3.5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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