M. Night Shyamalan, ok we get it. Your movies have become so formulaic that your hip cool surprise endings are no longer a surprise.

The Village is about a group of pilgrims living in a back woods community during the 1800s. Or is it? No. It's actually a group of derranged assholes living in a National Park Reserve during the present day, in an attempt to escape the woes of society. There I have now effectively spoiled the movie for you. Allow me to ruin them all:

In the Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis is actually dead the entire movie.

In Unbreakable, Samuel Jackson is the bad guy and was responsible for the train accident that should have killed Bruce Willis.

In Signs, water kills all alien life forms and tin foil hats are fuckin rad!

The Village, obviously populated with people so dumb, that even Puritans from that era would have referred to them as overly superstitious. Believing that the Village is surrounded by a pack of Little Red Riding Hood Wolf-Creatures, they cower in fear every time some breaks wind. Wind, as a matter of fact, blows through these whistles cleverly peppered throughout the perimeter of this community's woods, creating an eerie Little Red Riding Hood Wolf-Creature sound. The result is back woods moron, pilgrim terror. Adrien Brody is an ugly fuck. This brilliant psychological moat, keeps the towns people from wandering from the community, and crushes all desire to seek out other towns.....such as present day Philadelphia. What a bunch of tools.

When Joaquin Phoenix is injured and requires 'medicines', they send the town blind chick for help. That way the lie they have perpetuated won't be realized. She of course leaves the town, travels through the woods, and is picked up in an SUV by a Park Ranger who works for another asshole park ranger played by M. Night Shyamalan. Another fragment of his templatized movies, is that he must insert himself into every movie. Yeah we've never seen that before....Stephen King, Oliver Stone....very original.

Wow what a surprise! The surprise factor has really worn thin. Without it his movies would be excrutiantingly boring. I'm talking Major League Baseball boring. With it, his movies are still excrutiantingly boring....the Village, epitomizes this. Try making a movie without using this overplayed cinematic tool...then you will impress me. Until then, you will be nothing more than a guy who saw 'The Crying Game' and then declared 'hey that gives me a great idea'.

This guy is two teaspoons away from transforming into Kevin Costner. Talk about believing your own bullshit. His next movie should be called 'Being M. Night Shyamalan'. The Village sucks....and so does your American Express card commercial.

Hamlin Grade: 1

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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