I noticed we were close to finishing the alphabet in our review section, but we were still missing the letter U. For the greater good I once again pitted myself against my old nemesis....Costnerrrr!!!!
In 1987 Brian De Palma (Bonfire of the Vanities) gathered together an impressive collection of thespians and Kevin Costner to createThe Untouchables. With a veteran director, a highly sought after writer and such legendary actors as Connery and De Niro, how could this not be one of the greatest films ever? No, not even the evil destructive power of Costner could drag down this much talent. Alas, I feel there are times when unknown powers in the universe conspire to bring together a group of individuals who once shone in their respective fields, but collectively collaborate in casting a deep darkness. In this darkness only pain and suffering exist.
The man I feel who laid down the foundation for the dizzying heights of corniness which this movie reaches, is David Mamet. Right now you theater types are screaming bloody murder. I challenge any one of you to watch this movie and tell me that "Let's take the battle to them gentlemen!" is good writing. The whine does go well with the cheese in this case because lines like "Never stop fighting till the fighting's done" compliments Costner's total disregard for acting as a discipline.

Then there is Sean Connery, arguably the third best Bond. Yes, I believe Sickboy from Trainspotting got it right when asked about Mr. Connery winning the academy award for his performance in this picture..."It's a sympathy vote!" Connery reached that exclusive ground where he felt like he could take any roll simply for the reason that he's Sean Connery! (See the Caine Mutiny) "What are you prepared to do?!!" Apparently Sean was prepared to play Costner's mentor and take up with him on horseback (You didn't think Kevin could get through a film without a pony ride or a game of catch, did you?) to fight the evils of Alcohol. What a joke!

De Niro is the only one who escapes this film with any pride because he only has two small scenes with Costner that don't even constitute 2 of the 119 arduous minutes. Could this be chance, or could it be a method actor demanding that chumps not surround him?

We all know the story; prohibition, Chicago, Capone, tax evasion. Add some moral stance to upholding justice peppered with a baseball bat to the head (in this regard De Niro steals Costner's passion for the game) and some gunfights and you get The Untouchables. What is the moral of this story? Not allowing people to drink gets them upset and as a result people die. "Thus endith the lesson!"

Hamlin Grade: 1.5

Fletch is a killing word