I, Robot. I, Angry. I, Pissed Off. I, Shut off TV.

Will Smith can suck my ass! I, Robot. Granted this guy has been a part of some really kick ass movies, but in this case, Mr. Smith got his ass kicked. Can we for once have a movie about a cop, and his police chief that get along? The rogue cop, who's at odds with his superior officer is more played out than the fact that if you want to win an oscar all you have to do is play a whore, a retard, or a retarded whore. Has there ever been a movie where two cops actually got along? This would be complelling entertainment!

Will Smith's character Detective Spooner is apparently prejudice against robots. This is the theme of I, Robot. I bet you by the end of the movie he begins to see the error of his ways and will perhaps become fond of robots. Any takers? Prejudice in general is incredibly ignorant, but the basis for Detective Spooner's prejudice against robots is ridiculous. Put simply, a robot saved him from drowning, rather than saving a little girl, because the robot calculated that Detective Spooner had a better chance of survival. Robots lack feeling, emotion, and base their actions on logic....so let's hate them!

Ok, so we have an angry rogue cop, who stumbles on a conspiracy while investigating a murder that is committed by a Robot named Sonny. U.S. Robotics which is the Apple Computers of robot makers (the robots in I, Robot look like walking Ipods so I guess it's fitting) and are planning to release their latest version of robot, the Class 5. The dawn of this new robot, in Detective Spooner's eyes, will bring about the end of the world, and if Michael Caine is around, it will be the perfect time to get laid!

While on the investigation, driving home, the Robots try to snuff out Detective Spooner in something that looks like the Holland Tunnel on steroids. During the fight, he stops a robot from caving his skull in with a bar by blocking it with his arm.....which proceeds to spark! Detective Spooner is part cyborg! What irony! So this asshole is a robot and he hates robots. Man that is deep. Talk about character development. I guess this bionic arm and rib job (sounds like something you can get at the West Side Highway for $15, one bionic arm and rib job please) has become a daily reminder of the accident where the robot saved him, instead of the little girl.....so every day, he can have his little affirmation of hate.

Now to make life more difficult for Spooner, everyone thinks he is crazy, including his ass fuck Lieutenant. So he must charge ahead lone-wolf style and fight an army of robots and an evil corporation all by himself. As he investigates further, he discovers that it is not U.S. Robotics who is the catalyst behind this evil robot army, but rather Vicki. Who? Vicki I said. Vicki is essentially a female version of the Master Control Program from Tron. Remember that cool as computer that was the boss of Sark? Freakin' sweet. Anyway, Vicki's plan is to stop war and protect humans by essentially enslaving them.

Detective Spooner, the robot Sonny, and Doctor Calvin (I haven't mentioned her before because her character is pointless, and her acting is non-existant, she's like static on the radio) team up to drop nanites (miniature robots that feed on electronics) into Vicki, to destroy her. Vicki, sounds the alert and sends wave after wave of Ipods after Spooner and friends, but they save the day, and blah blah blah.

At the end of the day, Spooner now see's that not all robots are bad and can learn thanks to the actions of Sonny. It's as touching as watching the rape scenes from the Accused. I,Robot is another example of no matter how much money you toss at a bad movie, you still can't shine shit.

Hamlin Grade: .5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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