What happens when a shopping center decides to install a computer system which controls robot sentries by remote? Then what happens when an electrical storm wreaks havoc on this computer, reprogramming it and causing it to revert to it's natural evil state? If those questions don't boggle the mind, how about throwing some sexually promiscuous young adults in the mix? What do you get? Chopping Mall!

Right away, the stealth and cunning of these robots are revealed through a marketing film presented by some security corporation. The sales pitch works, and the mall's council agrees to install the state of the art security system, a system that will turn this consumer Paradise into a living hell!

"Fuck the fuchsia it's Friday!" These seemingly harmless words mark the beginning of a party that will end in a blood bath. Enter eight horny teenagers ready to quench their sexual appetite's in the mattress section of the furniture store after shopping hours. Well, not all of them are ready to get it on. Meet Marty and Alison, two uber nerds (or to use the nomenclature of the time "squares") who have been set up by their friends in hopes of pushing them into a sexual encounter. Thankfully for them, their shyness prevents them from taking the next step. As I'm sure you're aware, my faithful horror movie fans, the slasher rule of sex = death is in effect in Chopping Mall. Not only does their prudence save their lives, but if these two did reproduce, their spawn would have more hair then the Yeti. Marty's perfectly feathered lid combined with the power of Alison's humongous blond bouffant would spell certain doom for all of mankind!

The reign of terror of these misguided robots begins in the control room, eliminating controller #1 while he is checking out a centerfold and controller #2 shortly thereafter. With no one now manning the helm, the robots can carry out their murderous plans. The first of our party animals to go has his throat ripped open while trying to buy a
pack of smokes, proving again that smoking kills. The game is afoot and for their next kill the robots unleash their laser blasting capabilities. Taking a page from David Cronenberg's Scanners, Chopping Mall delights us with a gratuitous cranium explosion! Priceless!!

The rest of the kids split up, always a good idea. The ladies take to the air ducts while the gents take off to
Peckinpah's sporting goods to arm themselves. Our hero's soon find out that the robots are impervious to bullets and decide that if a compressed gas tank with a bullet through it was good enough to kill Jaws, then it should do the job destroying these recognized nightmares. Like any good sports store, Peckinpah's stocks an abundance of
propane and semi-automatic assault riffles. At this point, the ladies decide to leave the air ducts to help their beaus. This decision takes out the second tart of the movie, which leaves us with five targets of the meat variety. Needless to say, three more of the meatheads are picked off amongst the Slurpee machines and towel world. The moral to Chopping Mall is not to have sex in a store after hours while killer robots are on the loose. Oh yeah, and always hide a road flair in your cleavage, it might just save your life!

Chopping Mall is a smorgasbord of countless classic horror movies with an eighty's sensibility, and that is what makes this a bad movie worth watching. While viewing this movie I was impressed with the bare breasts to dead body count ratio, which inspired a new feature for the Bad Movie Knights called the Tit Counter. Whenever there are breasts shown we will be there to keep count so you may know what to expect. That being said, not all breasts should be seen, but Chopping Mall displays some beauties! It's juggtacular! Enjoy my fellow Knights!

Hamlin Grade: 4

Fletch is a killing word!