Yeah, that's right, we here at Bad Movie Knights got a chance to preview what will surely be this summer's big blockbuster. And boy does it suck, yeah I said it, it SUCKED! The only thing this movie busted was my balls.

Here's what Bryan Singer and Warner Brothers are asking us to believe in the 5th movie of the recent Superman Series on the big screen....

First of all, the main plot of this story, as suggested by the title, is Superman returning after a 5 year disappearance from Earth (VERY Maverick like, I might add). And here is poke-my-eye-balls-out-and-call-me-stupid-fuck-up number 1. You see, this incarnation of Superman (played by new-comer Brandon "say good by to my career" Routh) looks to be about 25, so basically we're being told that by 25 (or so) Superman has returned from a 5 year hiatus, prior to which he was around long enough to establish himself as the Man of Steel, save the world a few times, and become a world renowned icon, that's gotta take a couple years, doesn't it? So let's say that's a conservative 7 years total. Making him about 18, when he moves to Metropolis and gets a job as a writer at the Daily Planet and starts his quest as Superman. Are you fucking kidding me?? What about his time at the Fortress Of Solitude? College? What paper would hire a writer with NO college experience?? Bottom line, he's just NOT old enough to have come to Metropolis, establish a successful career as the worlds most beloved super hero, disappear for 5 years, and come back. I want to bang my head against my desk.... But, you might be saying "Well he's the Son of Jor-El, he's from Krypton, he doesn't age like us..." O.K. I can accept that as a possible explanation, accept uber whore (well get to this) Louis Lane (played by Kate Bosworth) is basically 25 in this movie as well, and as far as I know, from the Superman story line, Clark and Louis are basically the same age if Louis isn't a bit older than Clark.

Now, to the beeeyotch Louis... When Supes returns from his 5 year vacation, he finds Louis has moved on with out him and has a child, WHO'S ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD!!! We'll go with the "benefit of the doubt" here and call the kid 4, so she's raised a kid for 4 years prior to which she has a 9 month gestation period, that leaves a 3 month window from when Supes leaves till she gets knocked up... That's it??? 3 fucking months to meet someone, fall in love and get knocked up, from the time that the greatest love in your life disappears?? Typical female WHORE, WHORE, FUCKING WHORE!! OK, so I might have some female issues, but still come on... What does it say about the character of Superman to still want to be with a broad like that? SPOILER ALERT: Could this actually be the child of Kal-El??? Lets just say that if it is actually Superbaby, well just bend me over and sodomize me like it's your job, because Singer would have single handedly destroyed the Superman legacy.

Now back to Supes, more specifically his "costume", holy crap, what did they do to him? A 3-D logo on his chest? His tiny low-rise red briefs? And lets talk about that "red"... On his new costume it's MAROON... And that fish-scale texture on his uni?? Is Brian Singer watching too many episode of "Entourage"?? He's making Superman, not fucking Aquaman... It¹s Superman for Christ¹s sake, we don¹t need a Queer Eye make over of his costume...

I could go on and on about this horrible piece of trash, but I actually didn¹t see it, I was just fuckin¹ with you, but all the other stuff I said is true.....

You spend two minutes alone, and you feel shame
Duges