You are probably thinking....Pat why are you calling The Warriors a bad movie? Well, my friends, this film has nothing to do with that classic tale about a gang fighting their way back to Coney Island....this bad movie is called Warriors, and for you to sit through it, you will need to be a warrior as well.
Warriors stars two Bad Movie Knights favorites.....Gary Busey, and sweet Michael Pare. Yes the Pare is back! You still cannot resist the Pare! Busey stars as Colonel Frank Vail, a leader of an anti-terrorist squad so deadly that they are kept in a maximum security prison when not on missions (sounds cool right? yeah well that's where the coolness ends). When Colonel Vail recieves an urgent message (delivered by his whore-friend, who is the centerpiece of this disaster....terrible actress, amazingly awful singer....enjoy!) he breaks out of the military prison and goes AWOL!
How do you stop a bad actor? You send another bad actor after him.
Michael Pare plays Colin Neal, the former understudy of Colonel Vail, and just as deadly as his teacher (in both military skill and acting). This is the 'Apocolypse Now' portion of the film, where Neal is ordered to hunt down and kill Colonel Vail, and his whore-friend. Before embarking on this overly predictable scenario, we get a wonderfully sentimental moment between Neal and his wife.....she drops an ultimatum on him that if he goes on another mission she won't be there when he returns. Neals response can only be measured as 'I'm Michael Pare bitch!' and gets up and goes on his mission (show's her worth right? aside from her inability to act, the woman portraying his wife was....well let's put it this way, I'm a hotter chick).
Neal catches up to Vail on a few occassions and they exchange the usual (bullets, fists, harsh language, etc.) and Vail, narrowly escapes (along with the whore-friend) to a secluded cabin in the woods where Vail comes face to face with his father. The man who sent the message (through the whore-friend) to Vail, that prompted his escape. Vail's father is dying of cancer, and comes clean about how he sent him on a mission as his superior officer (unbeknownst to Vail) that transformed him into this deadly killer (and actor). His dying request is that Vail kill him. But before he can.....PARE!
Neal and Vail square off in the woods (sounds hot! it is....Busey! Pare! Busey! Pare!) and battle till Vail eventually has the upperhand, till they are surprised by the military anti-terrorist force that Vail once led.....now, Vail and Neal must team up to stop the squad, and save the whore-friend and Vail's father. Can they put aside their differences and save the day? Can you make it through this entire film to find out? If you can....then you are the true Warriors my friends.
Hamlin Grade: 2.5
Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,