I do not believe I can express in words the amount of anger I'm feeling right now! Costnerrrr!!!!! Right now kneeling on the ground fists raised to the heavens, rubicon and quaking with rage! 178 Minutes! Do you know what that means!!! That's two minutes shy of three hours! You could leave the country in less time! I'll never get that time back…….damn you Kevin Costner, damn you to hell! The Postman, which he stars and directed, will haunt me for the rest of my days!

We find Costner in a post apocalyptic (no pun intended) future playing a loaner who's sanity is questionable. He avoids civilization ………..what am I'm doing trying to summarize a pointless three hours? Have I not already wasted enough time with this?! I must have wronged someone in another life! For you Movie Knights I will try to sum up this travesty in one sentence. Costner saves civilization through the power of the Postal Service. Got it? Now, if you really want to understand what it means to go "postal" run out and see this flick because the only thing preventing me from picking up an A.K. and visiting the neighbors is writing this review!

Like any Costner film, The Postman delivers (again no pun) an abundance of Kevin's goofy head and a totally pointless love story. Yes, Costner spreads the seed in a long drawn out scene with the beautiful Olivia Williams, no doubt the director made sure there were a lot takes here. The minds will melt for any theater lovers. Ready? Not only does Costner perform Shakespeare, but his character is known by the same name! Old Bill is turning over in his grave right now. There is almost nothing redeeming about Costner's failed attempt to fuse a western with Mad Max. Yes, I did say almost. The ego driven Costner was able to sneak in three minutes of pure uncut badness. For the ridiculous slow motion scene where our hero rides towards a little boy to deliver his letter, I award a half Hamlin. A full Hamlin goes towards the work on a shameless montage. That is all this movie will get from my scorecard. I don't know where to direct my anger, at myself, my colleague Pat for thinking Kevin Costner week was a good idea or Costner himself! I guess my real hate is directed towards the fans that buy tickets that help fund Mr. Costner and his holy war against film.

So Go see the Postman and while your at it buy your self a length of rope, make a nice noose, find a sturdy rafter and let yourself go!

Hamlin Grade: 1

Fletch is a killing word!