I'm going to keep this short, because I'm still fucking pissed. I will never get the hour and a half back that I invested in this steaming pile of shit, so this is not so much of a review but rather a warning. Stay away from The Bronx Executioner!

This movie had amazing potential, truly amazing. Terrible actors, no special effects, an uneccessarily scantily clad woman, a rape scene (really for no reason, other than to have a rape scene...truly baffling), motorcycles, and a setting, that was supposed to be the Bronx, but was really an old used up rock quarry. I know, all the ingredients are there for a truly bad movie. So what happened?

Audio. This film was obviously re-dubbed. I know this needs to be done on occassion, but can you go out and purchase a microphone that costs more than a West Side Highway hand job ($7.50 in case you are wondering what the blue-book value of said sex act was)? This microphone must have been shoved up someone's ass ($5 at the West Side Highway) while the dubbing was taking place because half of the actors voices can't even be heard. I had the volume turned all the way up, and still couldn't hear it. It's truly a shame, because the guy who did the voice over for the lead actor Dakar, was terrible, and I missed out on all of his efforts.

The Bronx Executioner should be avoided at all costs. It really is a waste. Had the audio been better, even slightly, this movie would have recieved several coveted Hamlins, but their efforts, or lack thereof deserve nothing short of a fuck you. Everyone involved in this disaster should do time.

I included the link to the movie so you could see the cover, and recognize it. If you really hate yourself, and enjoy shoving rusty nails up your ass then by all mean purchase it. I think you could probably get it for less on Half.com, or Ebay....shit, if you really want to see it, email me, and I'll send you my copy. Hurry up though, I'm taking a shit on it later today.

Hamlin Grade: 0

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
pat