REVIEW: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
I own a few bad movies as you may have guessed, but in preparation for Costner Week I could not bring myself to purchase Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Unfortunately, this is one of the few movies my parents own, so I've seen this movie multiple times (yes, I'm a masochist!) and am familiar with this slanderous interpretation of Robin Hood.
I like to brush away the cobwebs to write a review, however, so I bit the bullet and got a Blockbuster card. After I filled out the application and got my cool little laminated card, I searched the store for this lack-luster film. Apparently there are many other masochists out there who loathe themselves as much as I, because the movie was checked out! I know, I couldn't believe it either! So I shall attempt to recall the awful visions this movie created, visions I've made every effort to block from my mind.
It's the classic Robin Hood scenario; Sheriff of Nottingham, Maid Marian, Sherwood Forest, Blah, Blah, and Blah. In this 1991 version they spice it up a bit by adding a couple of characters in the form of Azeem (Morgan Freeman) and Will Scarlet (Christian Slater.) I believe this marked the beginning of the end of Mr. Slater's career. Wow, Christian Slater's character Will Scarlet is really....no, he can't be! He is! He's Robin Hood's half brother! Yah, who cares! It doesn't make up for the fact that he's a prickly little chode! Then there is Morgan Freeman. Mr. Freeman, sir, why would you do this? I'd like to think he owed someone an incredible sum of money, much like his character Azeem, who is repaying a life debt. Mr. Freeman's performance is only outshone by Alan Rickman's portrayal of the Sheriff of Nottingham. Oozing with smarminess, Rickman's Nottingham rules the land in such a heartless way that it makes you root for the bad guys. That last point I made is certainly helped by the fact that Costner plays Nottinghams's nemesis .
O how I loathe thee, Kevin Costner! Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is yet another movie to showcase Kevin Costner and why he sucks! God, he just makes me so angry, if the Emperor were here I'm sure he would feel the hate swelling within me! This jerk can't decide weather or not he's going to speak with the most horrible English accent or not. It fades in and out. This fact has been well documented and Costner has been widely panned for it with good reason.
Well we could go on and on flogging a dead horse but .. . oh wait I almost forgot the score, that music . . .
WHY?! I really couldn't think of a more potent duo than Brian Adams and Kevin Costner! Has Costner been sent back in time to assault us with bad cinema? Just think of all the money that has been spent on that man's ego. There are countless ways in which that money could have gone to better causes. We could have sheltered the homeless, fed the hungry, burnt it, anything but spend it on films that contain Costner and that gargantuan cranium of his! What day is it? Wednesday? We still have two more days of this . . . Alert the suicide hotline!
Hamlin Grade: 1
Fletch is a killing word!
Comments
I know it's Costner week, and believe me, I hate this guy, but I would actually rate this film a bit higher simply because of Alan Rickman. He's pretty brilliant amongst the rest of the crap. This film might have marked the beginning of the end for Slater, but the guy always sucked. Go back to his finest film, "The Name of the Rose," and you'll find he works because he barely opens his mouth. But back to "Robin Hood," in some ways this film brings to the forefront Costner's unbelievable ego. I'm referring to the gratuitous butt shot. Way to go Kevin! Just can't get enough of your ass! If only he had stuck with supporting roles such as the one he played in "Silverado," (of better yet, "The Big Chill") the world might be a safer place.
Posted by: Big Daddy Yum Yum | May 31, 2006 02:58 AM
I don't recall a Costner ass shot in Robin Hood (perhaps I was thinking about Swazye).....perhaps you are fantasizing? Do you have a man-crush on KC?
Posted by: pat | May 31, 2006 12:50 PM
Thank you, for your response Mr. Yum Yum, you make some good points. As I pointed out in my review I had tried to block out those terrible visions. Costner's ass was one of those; I can not thank you for reminding me of that one. Damn you Costner! As for those smaller rolls you mentioned, You have foreshadowed our climatic ending to Costner week!
Posted by: fletch | May 31, 2006 01:08 PM
Now that I think about it I believe that gratuitous butt shot you are referring to is found in Dances on My Nerves.
Posted by: fletch | May 31, 2006 01:14 PM
A man crush on Costner? Not even close. My man crushes are reserved for the likes of Eric Bana, Aaron Eckhart and Sam Rockwell. You know, actors who posess a modicum of . . . oh, what's the word . . . ah yes, talent.
Posted by: Big Daddy Yum Yum | May 31, 2006 01:19 PM
I know you didn't have the movie at hand, but there is also a butt shot in Robin Hood when he is taking a shower in the waterfall.
Posted by: Big Daddy Yum Yum | May 31, 2006 01:20 PM
So of course I had to go back and check my facts on the nudity. I think this actually makes me hate him more; Costner used a body double for his butt shot. A body double! Ah, hah, hah, hah! What a pussy. Here's the link to that and other fun facts about that craptastic movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102798/trivia
Posted by: Big Daddy Yum Yum | May 31, 2006 01:26 PM
Costnerrrr!!!! Why would he do this? They should just use a body double for the entire movie, maybe that guy could act!
Posted by: fletch | May 31, 2006 01:46 PM
Say what you guys will, I thought Dances With Wolves was a decent movie.
Waterwold on the other hand...
Also an interesting fact about Costner is that he originally had a full frontal scene in For Love Of The Game, but quickly edited it out when screen audiences met the full frontal with laughter. That's funny.
Posted by: Ryan | January 8, 2007 01:19 AM