REVIEW: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
I own a few bad movies as you may have guessed, but in preparation for Costner Week I could not bring myself to purchase Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Unfortunately, this is one of the few movies my parents own, so I've seen this movie multiple times (yes, I'm a masochist!) and am familiar with this slanderous interpretation of Robin Hood.
I like to brush away the cobwebs to write a review, however, so I bit the bullet and got a Blockbuster card. After I filled out the application and got my cool little laminated card, I searched the store for this lack-luster film. Apparently there are many other masochists out there who loathe themselves as much as I, because the movie was checked out! I know, I couldn't believe it either! So I shall attempt to recall the awful visions this movie created, visions I've made every effort to block from my mind.
It's the classic Robin Hood scenario; Sheriff of Nottingham, Maid Marian, Sherwood Forest, Blah, Blah, and Blah. In this 1991 version they spice it up a bit by adding a couple of characters in the form of Azeem (Morgan Freeman) and Will Scarlet (Christian Slater.) I believe this marked the beginning of the end of Mr. Slater's career. Wow, Christian Slater's character Will Scarlet is really....no, he can't be! He is! He's Robin Hood's half brother! Yah, who cares! It doesn't make up for the fact that he's a prickly little chode! Then there is Morgan Freeman. Mr. Freeman, sir, why would you do this? I'd like to think he owed someone an incredible sum of money, much like his character Azeem, who is repaying a life debt. Mr. Freeman's performance is only outshone by Alan Rickman's portrayal of the Sheriff of Nottingham. Oozing with smarminess, Rickman's Nottingham rules the land in such a heartless way that it makes you root for the bad guys. That last point I made is certainly helped by the fact that Costner plays Nottinghams's nemesis .
O how I loathe thee, Kevin Costner! Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is yet another movie to showcase Kevin Costner and why he sucks! God, he just makes me so angry, if the Emperor were here I'm sure he would feel the hate swelling within me! This jerk can't decide weather or not he's going to speak with the most horrible English accent or not. It fades in and out. This fact has been well documented and Costner has been widely panned for it with good reason.
Well we could go on and on flogging a dead horse but .. . oh wait I almost forgot the score, that music . . .
WHY?! I really couldn't think of a more potent duo than Brian Adams and Kevin Costner! Has Costner been sent back in time to assault us with bad cinema? Just think of all the money that has been spent on that man's ego. There are countless ways in which that money could have gone to better causes. We could have sheltered the homeless, fed the hungry, burnt it, anything but spend it on films that contain Costner and that gargantuan cranium of his! What day is it? Wednesday? We still have two more days of this . . . Alert the suicide hotline!
Hamlin Grade: 1
Fletch is a killing word!