Well we finally have closure. The Sci-Fi doublefeature dvd that included the infamous Cybernator also came with a bad movie called Hyperspace. The biggest fault of Hyperspace was that the creators agreed to package it along with Cybernator, but worse still is that it got second billing and is on the B side of the disc.

Hyperspace is set in the future, and for the most part aboard a space cruiser (why is that these low budget messes try to accomplish cinematic feats that Speilberg wouldn't ever attempt?). The story begins by introducing us to Thomas Stanton (played by Richard Norton who's claim to fame is fighting Jackie Chan in one of his unwatchable flicks), who is some kind of cop, or agent (do you really care?) on a raid of some sort and ends up fighting 'The Pyscho' (brilliantly played by the lengendary wrestling icon Big John Studd). After this amazingly poor choreographed fight (every fight scene in this movie is awful, but in a great way...the fights go on forever, and the actors are so bad at pretending to be hit...and why use a rifle to fire a bullet, when it so convenient to wield it as a club?....again, bad movie excellence blooms) Stanton throws an over the top line of cheese at us.....and Hyperspace begins. The opening of the film really has no bearing whatsoever on the rest of the bad movie except to establish the fact that Thomas Stanton is a total badass. Nice.

In the 21st Century (original opener), 'The Corporation' sends spaceships into the deepest reaches of space to dispose of hazardous nuclear waste, and Hyperspace follows the exploits and adventures of one of these plucky little ships! Hyperspace begins with the crew waking from Cryo-sleep enroute to their destination to dump their cargo. The crew is made up of 4 men and 2 women (which seems excessive to me for a group of glorified garbage men....but let's suspend disbelief for this one)....theres the uptight asshole captain, the pilot who's a badass and a bit of a slut (a minute after first meeting her character, shes' showing off her breasts and ass, which is very generous and polite if I may say so), a grunt (played by a dude who looks like Ron Perlman, but without all that acting ability), a science officer (who is by far and away the worst actress in this movie), Tubbs, the officer on his last mission before retirement and his good buddy (and ours) Thomas Stanton. All seems well and good with the mission until they discover that the computer has malfunctioned and stranded them in deep space...or hyperspace if you will...Eh? Eh?

The crew realizes there are only two alternatives....re-enter their cryo-sleeps, and travel home slowly to Earth, which would take 30 years, or draw straws to see who will take the one (or two) manned shuttle back to Earth, which will take a modest 2 years. After much discussion they decide to draw straws to see who will man the craft back to Earth and then send help for the remaining crew members (as they wait for 2 years? oh man would that suck ass! actually it would be more like 4 years, because whoever came to rescue them....sorry I digress). After the winner has been chosen, what follows is a series of events that begin with bargaining and quickly escalate to violence and murder as 6 actors (hahahhahahha), excuse me, crew members are pitted against one another, fighting for one seat on a voyage home. Oh yeah, throw in a dream sequence flashback where Thomas Stanton's partner on Earth is killed by the 'Android' (marvelously played Professor Toru Tanaka, the same man who played Sub Zero in The Running Man).

I must again say that the fight scenes in this movie are brilliant, and really are the cornerstone of this bad movie. Try and imagine you and a friend when you were children playing ninjas, and fake fighting....then take it down three notches (fuck, take it down 10 notches), then you will have the fight choreography for this piece of shit. It's amazing how a man who spent time on a set with Jackie Chan didn't learn anything (other than acting I guess) about stunt work. The other gem in this mess is the Science officer Arias Christensen. She's brilliantly terrible. Her face always seems to say 'What the fuck do I say now?".

Compared to Cybernator this movie is the Godfather. I'm still confused how anyone agreed to associate themselves with it, but the rewards definitely go to us the viewer. For the price of little more than a cup of coffee you can own both of these disasters....and after you watch them, microwave the dvd....cuz it's really fucking cool watching the sparks and shit fly off them when you do that. Dolph, Dolph.

Hamlin Grade: 3.5

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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