Bloodsport 2: The Next Kumite reunites us with a Bad Movie Knight favorite, actor Daniel Bernhardt. You may remember Mr. Bernhardt from our previous bad movie review of Future War. Daniel Bernhardt once again brings us the kind of performance we could only expect from an actor of his years and experience....

Bernhardt portrays Alex Cardo, an accomplished thief, and ladies man, till he steals an object of value beyond his comprehension from the sinister David Leung (played by the very evil Pat Morita, of 'Mr. Miyagi' fame). The object he steals is a katana sword (which we will later discover cannot be stolen, only earned....ummmmm then how did he steal it dipshits?), which was to be awarded as a trophy to the winner of this years Kumite. Mr. Leung, obviously upset, has Cardo captured and sent to prison.

The prison (which is truly terrifying, because all of the inmates are forced to wear pink and shades of lavender) initiates a 'Count of Monte Cristo' type of story line as Cardo befriends the older Sun (played by James Hong, who you may remember as Lo-Pan from Big Trouble in Little China)....who takes Cardo under his wing, protects him from the evil guard Demon (who Cardo will obviously have to face later on...) and teaches him the Iron Hand (now seriously, ...if some old dude in prison came up to and said "hey, wanna learn the Iron Hand"....wouldn't you be concerned?). I should probably warn you that Daniel Bernhardt is pretty much shirtless throughout this entire feature, and in a few choice scenes, only wearing some tasty speedo briefs. Not since Patrick Swayze have I found myself this attracted to another man (oh yeah, I'm talking Roadhouse....Swayze doing Tai Chi on the banks of a lake equals hot!). During lunch at some point, Sun brings up the Kumite and how special it is to Cardo (again strange, the man that wants to show you the iron hand, now wants to see you fight other well oiled, half naked men....hmmmmm).

Insert training montage.

Cardo is released from his pink prison, by the evil Mr. Miyagi I mean Leung, who is not so evil now....(both old men in this movie are uneccessarily creepy, especially when addressing Bernhardt...love triangle perhaps?) Leung released Cardo in an attempt to retrieve the sword he stole many months earlier, because the Kumite is about to begin, and he obviously needs it to present to the winner. Fortunately, Cardo pulls some strings and through a series of events manages to regain the katana and get it back into the hands of Mr. Miyagi.

Cardo enters the Kumite with the help of Tiny (played by Donald Gibb of Revenge of the Nerds glory (he played Ogre)) who is now the 'Handler' of the Kumite. What's strange here is that Gibb plays essentially the same character, but with a different name. Going by Tiny, and once referring to himself as Raymond. In Bloodsport he played Ray Jackson, but there was never a reference to Tiny. This is obviously a case of Guttenberg's Principle with a twist. Wonders never cease when you toss one of these disasters into your dvd player.

What follows is lots of hot man on man action (no not that kind Fletch)....actually, the fight scenes are average at best....the fighters aren't all that intimidating, and I think I could have kicked the dick out of few of them...but it does cover up the fact that this story has no story, and this movie has no actors for a good 30-45 minutes...plus it seamlessly ties this piece of shit, to the original Bloodsport (which was pretty decent, and one of Van Damme's better movies....can't believe I just wrote that).

Can anyone guess the ironic ending? Who will win the once stolen katana sword? Will it be Alex Cardo?

Yes.

Hamlin Grade: 3

Timothy Dalton is the one true James Bond,
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